Learning how to do this has been one of the most difficult things I have had to teach myself. However, it has been one of the most important skills I have acquired throughout my life. During my entire life, I have replayed every situation that has never gone my way. Played it through in my mind about things I could have done differently. And I did this until another situation arose, and then I would do the same thing, just with a new story. For a while, I just accepted that this is simply how I was. Until the spring of my junior year of college.
At this time, I was going through another situation that ended in an undesirable way for me. However, this one was one that stuck with me for longer. For a few days, it kept me up all night. Thinking about what I could’ve done differently. Because I thought why the situation ended that way was my fault. After three days of not sleeping over this, I finally realized I had to take action to break the cycle of this.
I choose to take action by going on a run. And for others, that may sound like a punishment, but for me, this is where I do all of my thinking. I tune out everything else going on in my world, and I’m left with the music in my earbuds and my thoughts. I ran for around 45 minutes, and the conclusion I came to at the end can be summed up in one statement: “Be at peace with the things you can’t change”.
I had to be at peace with the ending of this part of my life. I had no control over what the other person did or their actions. Overthinking what I had no control over was simply exhausting me and making me lose myself. Not only did I have to come to terms with what had happened. I also had to accept that I would not get closure, and I would have to become okay with that. I could not allow myself to drown in this anymore.
I put the statement “Be at peace with the things you can’t change” on my wallpaper on my phone. Over the next few months, I found myself having an easier time letting go, but anytime I needed a reminder, I would look at this message.
I came to realize that for me, finding peace in all of this was never about getting the outcome I wholeheartedly wanted in the end. Finding peace was about me being able to move forward, close the chapter, and accept that I did not need closure to be okay. In the end, I was only hurting myself by dwelling on this.