āFailing upwards is the idea that every failure holds the potential for growth, new opportunities, and even unexpected success.ā
I am a rejexpert. A rejection expert. My credentials? Iāve been auditioning in Los Angeles since I was 12 and, in an effort to save myself from massive embarrassment, I wonāt share the statistics of how many jobs I’ve auditioned for versus how many jobs Iāve actually booked. Iām too short, too tall, my nose isnāt ethnic enough, my nose is too ethnic, Iām not blonde enough, not thin enoughā¦the list could literally go on for miles. The worst part of it all is that half of this nonsense is completely self-perpetuated supplementation for silence on the other end of an audition submission. When I watch the project and see the actress they chose, I feed myself these pathetic attempts at reasoning when, in truth, Iām the only one who came up with them in the first place.Ā
Itās not easy to get rejected, even if itās the smallest of rejections that should mean nothing but are instead the straws that break the camel’s back. Rejection in every form sucks. It’s confirmation that the voice in our head screaming āyouāre not good enough!ā is correct. Itās the confirmation that you are undesirable. Itās the confirmation that every negative thought youāve had about yourself is true, right?
Wrong.
So wrong and could not be more wrong.Ā
But it’s inescapable, isnāt it? There is seemingly no end to this vicious cycle.Ā
Iām here to tell you there is a way to surpass your own self-talk.Ā
For the past few years, this one company would bring me in for several interviews for several different jobs. One internship cycle, I was brought in for six different interviews. Every few months, I would make it to the final stage, and every cycle, like clockwork, I would get the unfortunate,Ā āThank you so much for your passion and interest in joining the team here at ******* **************, but unfortunately, we are not able to offer you a position at our company at this time.ā
I was crushed, literally devastated. I even did one particular round of these interviews abroad, and let me tell you, getting rejected in the English countryside does not soften the blow. In fact, the dark clouds and rain make it worse. Play some Adele and have a glass of wine.Ā
Point being, I sat there thinking something was wrong with me. I wasnāt doing enough, I wasnāt pushing myself enough, I didnāt have enough experience. Though those things can ring true in some circumstances, this was not one of them. This job, or series of jobs, was just not meant for me. I did not belong there. Though it stung, and at times made me believe my professional life was over (ironic considering I’m literally only 21). I, instead, began to catalog all the wonderful fragments of life I experienced in its place. In the hours within which I could have been working, I was experiencing moments of joy, love and connection that have shaped the career I begin to reach toward as I complete my third year of college.Ā
At the end of the day, you are still in college. You are still a student. You are still learning and growing and changing. You only have four years to have the most magical, intimate, transformative adventures with your best friends before surrendering to a 9-5 job. Your internship-less Summer might actually teach you more about what you want with your life than sitting holed-up in a cubicle piecing together spreadsheets and clearing out the Vice-President of Creative Affairsā fridge.Ā In fact, your internship-less Summer might just land you a connection to the correct job for you.
Iām not saying this should be your forever, and Iām definitely not saying you should abandon all responsibility of creating a balanced future for yourself, but I am saying that you need to reframe your rejection. There is a reason, and though you might not understand it now, you will in the future. You must hold on to your ambition, but within that drive, you must also allow room for life. You are failing, or so you tell yourself, but you are failing upwards. You are learning about yourself, and you are letting your life happen. Rejoice in it!