Communal: the one word that best describes the first year of college experience.
From dining hall debriefs to tanning to getting ready on a Friday night, a freshman girl is never without her group. Yet, at some point this year, there reached a turning point in these daily gatherings. I, like many other first-years, started to question whether these day-to-day meetups actually constituted friendship.
How Close are you Really to your Friends?
While yes, I do spend practically every waking moment with a group, it’s because of proximity more than anything else, whether that be getting ready in a hallmate’s dorm or grabbing brunch at DLG. Unlike typical high school friendships, these college friendships are often born out of convenience rather than experience or trust. If that’s the case, then how is one able to determine if a friendship will survive past the first-year campus bubble?
MY SolUTION
What I discovered from my own experiences is that hanging out with friends in a one-on-one setting is the best way to survive those first-year fallouts. While doing activities as a duo may not match the chaos and spontaneity of a group setting, it creates the perfect opportunity to evaluate how strong your connection is. These moments are also far more personal, allowing them to feel more memorable.
While you meet people every day in college, spending time with someone individually is a great litmus test for friendship compatibility. One important and undervalued point I’ve had to consider is whether I can carry a conversation with a friend without any awkward pauses or fighting the urge to roll my eyes back into my head. While the simple pleasantries and small talk about classes might have been enough for Welcome Week, they’re not enough to sustain a lifelong friendship, which is why it is important to emphasize that one-on-one time.
How To BUILD STRONG FRIENDSHIPS
But how can you build a strong friendship with someone? Simply put, by going all out. The process isn’t always easy, as reaching out can leave one with the fear of being ghosted. Additionally, in a world where young people are advised to stay emotionally guarded, being vulnerable with a friend that you have only known for a couple of months can be difficult. But, despite all of the hardships that come with it, my individual friendships have been my most rewarding and valuable experiences in college.
While I can’t remember the exact moment I met many of my closest friends, I can remember our first one-on-one hangouts. With one of my future housemates, I’d met her vaguely during a game night at my dorm, but I didn’t truly get to know her until we went to a concert together.
I was incredibly nervous, but I soon found that the 40-minute bus ride and 20-minute walk to the Santa Barbara Bowl was enough to break through the small talk. I learned that despite coming from different states and having completely different high school experiences, we had a lot in common, such as being from military families.
She’s now become my go-to person for anything, whether that be a beach day, a night out, or a late-night lib study session. But if I hadn’t taken that initial step, who knows if we would have even been close friends? Or more than acquaintances, period?
WHY I LOVE INTENTIONAL MOMENTS WITH FRIENDS
Another benefit I’ve discovered from developing individual friendships has been the ability to curate my own friend group. While I love them dearly, my high school friends and I had many differences, from our personalities to our career aspirations. Since coming to college, I have had the opportunity to diversify my circle of friends and find people who align with my future goals or current interests.
While I’m not advocating for creating a homogenous friend group, if the trials and errors of freshman year have taught me anything, it’s to find what you value in a friendship. Spending time one-on-one with a friend can help determine whether the friend in question embodies your values and interests.
I was able to find this with a friend in my history class. While we had always been mutual friends, it was through our time as study buddies that I learned about her interest in sports journalism. Following our winter quarter study sessions, she also joined the Her Campus editorial team, and we began attending meetings together. I now not only have a friend to discuss article ideas with but also to debrief silly drama with over dinner.
It’s true that communal hangouts can act as a comfort blanket for the many changes that come with freshman year. But relying on a group as a social crutch is only temporary, whereas creating intentional moments with a friend can create memories that last forever.
So maybe future bridesmaids and lifelong friends aren’t built in crowded dorm rooms, but in the quiet conversations on the bus ride home.