Likes, hashtags, posts, attention. This is what englobes all of our beloved social media apps. In such a hyper-connected world, we deal with people almost every single second of our lives, and with that comes a constant underlying question: are we selfish for not wanting to invite our online friends for a birthday party?
Are we living in the Truman Show?
The Truman Show (1998) is one of the most iconic movies ever made. Truman Burbank (Jim Carrey) has lived his entire life inside a reality show, but he is the only one who believes it is real. So, how does this relate to our lives today? The answer is already there: people are constantly observing Truman’s every move. Sounds familiar, right? In many ways, it mirrors our own lives.
In such a hyper-connected world, where people watch every step, every post, even every place you have been we start to feel obligated to show them every aspect of our lives. It becomes a reality show. If you post something boring, people will unfollow you; if you post something interesting, people will follow you.
With that comes another problem: the urge to call every person you ever met online to hang out, even people you are not close to. And, if you don’t invite them, you are automatically called selfish or fake. Why does this happen?
FOMO is a real thing
I am sure you have already heard of this online expression: FOMO (fear of missing out). It refers to the fear of missing events and being left out, and in today’s society, it has become almost an epidemic. No matter what event or party, you feel like you have to be there and be invited in order to maintain your status.
Social media has made us believe that a successful life is based on being a people pleaser, which can lead to you inviting someone you barely know to your own birthday, just because you had a brief conversation in the DM’s where they complimented your outfit. And if you don’t invite this person to something special, they might feel offended, or even upset, after all they were nice to you and “took the time” to send that message. Sounds a bit selfish, right?
No, it’s not selfish
An invitation is deeply personal. A birthday party, a special hangout, or any memorable event requires time, care and intention when deciding who you truly want to share that moment with. Choosing who you spend your time with, and who you share intimacy and experiences with, is not an act of selfishness, it is, in fact, an exercise in self-awareness and emotional care. Setting healthy boundaries means recognizing that not all relationships hold the same place in your life, and that is completely natural.
The problem is that we have been conditioned to associate total inclusion with kindness, and exclusion with cruelty. In practice, however, this mindset can lead to superficial and draining relationships, where presence becomes more of a social obligation than a genuine desire. In trying to please everyone, we often end up disconnecting from ourselves.
Perhaps the most important question is not “Am I selfish?”, but rather: “Am I being honest with myself?” In a world that constantly encourages us to stay connected, learning to choose, and sometimes to say no, may be one of the healthiest things we can do.
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The article above was edited by Julia Galoro.
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