Since first setting foot on campus, I’ve come a long way in terms of friendships. From convincing myself that making friends would be a long and arduous journey to having a group of girls I could never imagine life without. I know your mom has probably said it, it’s really not that hard if you have one thing down: self-confidence. I’m going to hold your hand when I say this, but you’re not going to be able to put yourself out there if you don’t believe you deserve to be standing there. Also, based on all of the DMs I’ve gotten from girls in my hometown asking the same question, I can assure you that 60% of your peers are just as terrified as you are, making all new friends in a whole new place, miles away from home.
As an out-of-state student, once the “Oh my gosh, I can’t believe I got in, I’m so excited to start!” mirth wore off. I began to convince myself that I was at a disadvantage because I would have nothing to relate to anyone with. They had probably all been to the Alamo and drank the 1836 milk that randomly started popping up on my Instagram reels one day. Everyone had grown up singing “The Eyes of Texas,” and I didn’t even know we didn’t like OU or A&M until I got here. In all honesty, I still don’t know what a Sooner is.
So without further ado, I give you: Everything I wish someone told me or “What my mom has probably said to me one hundred times but didn’t quite register.”
You have to be willing to do things alone
In your first week of college, there are so many welcome events, and as much as we all prefer to walk in with someone, you have to be willing to show up by yourself to meet the person with whom you go to the next event. I know that’s scary to some people. I know it was scary for me. I cannot tell you how many times I walked to something, circled the block, went in, checked my phone while hugging the wall, and debated just calling it quits and going home. Instead of doing that, I urge you to just make some small goals for yourself, like talking to one person. I know your mom has probably told you that people are attracted to people who are comfortable being themselves.
If you don’t walk into the room thinking you are the coolest, most interesting person who ever lived, how are others supposed to? There will be people you don’t vibe with. That’s not a bad thing. It just means keep walking, someone will open a door for you, and you will feel so cherished in that moment. Further, a quick reality check: if someone doesn’t seem interested in talking, it’s almost never personal. People get overwhelmed or shy in these settings, sometimes they’re just plain exhausted. It’s not a reflection of your worth; it just means “try again with someone else.” You don’t have to suddenly become the most outgoing version of yourself. You just have to be slightly braver than you were five minutes ago.
Go to everything you can!
Not a fan of matcha? Never seen a Marvel movie in your life? It genuinely does not matter. If there’s an event with peers, go. If a new acquaintance texts you asking if you want to do any of the above, go. As long as it doesn’t compromise your morals or your safety, just go. Because it’s never really about the activity. It’s about the experience and the “remember whens…” that come out of it.
For example, I’d never gone two-stepping, and I didn’t know what it was. But a girl at my Bible study invited me to go with her and her friends. Did I immediately start watching videos to prepare? Yes. Was I nervous? Absolutely. Did I actually become a good dancer? Not even a little. But that wasn’t the point. The point was that at one moment, while she was trying to teach me, I accidentally stepped on her toe, and we both started laughing so hard that we had to sit down. Somehow, that moment did more for our friendship than my being “good” at anything ever could have. That’s what you’re saying yes to.
Also, don’t be afraid to be the one who reaches out. If you think that girl from your group project is super sweet, ask her to hang out. “Hey, do you want to grab coffee?” is enough. And yes, sometimes the answer will be no. That’s normal. You have to be open to hearing a lot of no’s before you get your yes, and that yes is so worth it. It turns into a friendship you never saw coming.
Seize the awkward
Some of the best friendships start in the most random, low-stakes way. Asking if a seat is taken, or both of you realizing you have no clue what your professor is talking about, are great starts. Yes, it’s going to feel awkward; unfortunately, there’s no way around that. You’re starting a conversation out of thin air, or laughing about something that barely makes sense yet. But that tiny moment of awkwardness? That’s usually the doorway. The other person is almost always just as unsure as you are. What you say doesn’t have to be smooth. In fact, it probably won’t be. You might say something slightly off or immediately think of a better thing you could’ve said five minutes later. That’s normal. People don’t connect over perfection; they connect over a little shared awkwardness. And sometimes, that’s all it takes. One slightly clumsy conversation that turns into a real friendship. So don’t wait until you feel completely confident or perfectly put together. Say the thing. Ask the question. Worst case, it’s a mildly awkward moment you’ll forget by next week. Best case, it’s the start of something really good.
I have nothing in common with them
I understand why it feels like commonality would be the end-all, be-all of all friendships, but honestly, you don’t need a ton in common to start one. Nothing in common might just mean you haven’t found the overlap yet. Even small things count. Don’t let superficial things like the way someone dresses or what their major is inhibit a moment of connection; those are rarely the things that actually sustain a friendship. If you let those details decide for you too quickly, you might miss out on someone you could genuinely connect with. Sometimes, the most unexpected people end up being the ones you feel most comfortable around.
Reserve the right not to vibe with them and move on. But if someone seems kind, open, even just a little bit interesting, it’s usually worth giving it a moment to grow.