Romantic advice on the internet usually falls into two extremes. Either it’s overly idealistic (the kind that makes relationships look effortless), or it’s so cynical that it makes you wonder why anyone bothers dating at all.
I’ve been in a long-term relationship that started in my teens and somehow grew with me into adulthood (#inmyfiancéeera 💍). I won’t lie and say that things have been all sunshine and roses because my partner and I have definitely had our fair share of ups and downs over the years. What kept us grounded, though, was our wholehearted devotion to one another. We faced those moments with respect and honesty, knowing that we were both genuinely committed to making things work.
Being with the same person through so many stages of life teaches you a lot about love, but it also teaches you a lot about yourself. If I could offer one piece of advice right away, it would be this: love should feel safe. Not boring or stagnant, but safe. You shouldn’t constantly feel anxious about where you stand or whether someone is going to turn their back on you the moment things get difficult. Healthy relationships allow you to be open and vulnerable. Every disagreement doesn’t have to turn into a full-blown crisis (and this is coming from a self-proclaimed drama queen).
Communication is a major thing to consider. People talk about this one a lot, but they don’t always practice what they preach. You can’t expect someone to read your mind, and you definitely can’t build something long-term on unspoken resentment. Being able to say “this hurt me” or “this is what I need” without either side getting defensive is one of the clearest signs that a relationship has real potential.
Another lesson I learned along the way is not to romanticize the bare minimum. Basic respect, consistency and effort shouldn’t feel like rare gifts you have to beg for. Many people accept terrible treatment because they think things “could be worse,” but these are the foundations of any healthy relationship. The right person will show up for you properly because they value you.
Finally, it’s important to choose someone who fits into the future you see for yourself. Love is powerful, but it isn’t the whole picture. As I’ve grown, I’ve come to realize that shared values and direction matter just as much. When two people are moving toward similar goals, that’s when the relationship transforms into a genuine partnership. Before getting too serious, ask yourself: “Can I envision building a life with this person?”
At the end of the day, no relationship is perfect. Life gets stressful, people change, and sometimes you have to learn things the hard way. What matters is whether you’re both willing to reflect on your actions, apologise when necessary and keep choosing each other through those uncomfortable moments.
If there’s anything I’ve learned from growing up in love, it’s that the right relationship will add to your life, not detract from it. It will challenge you to confront your unhealthy traits while still giving you space to be yourself. Whether you’re single, healing from heartbreak or figuring things out as you go, remember that healthy love shouldn’t be a struggle. It should feel safe, supportive and real.