There’s this weird moment that happens sometime in your early twenties where your mindset quietly shifts.
Suddenly, it’s not just about having fun anymore. It’s about becoming someone. Someone successful. Someone put together. Someone who “has their life figured out.” And without even realizing it, you start changing yourself.
You might hesitate before doing something spontaneous because… what if it looks immature? You overthink your weekends because… shouldn’t you be doing something more productive than going out? You feel guilty for resting or “bed rotting” because… shouldn’t you be working toward something?
And just like that, you start performing your life instead of actually living it.
Let’s be honest. No one actually knows what they’re doing in their twenties. But somehow, it feels like everyone else does. You scroll for five minutes on TikTok, Instagram, or even LinkedIn, and suddenly someone our age just got promoted. Someone else moved to a new city. Another girl you know is waking up early, working out, and journaling before you’ve even gotten up. And you’re laying there thinking, wait… am I behind?
That feeling isn’t random, and it builds over time. So instead of asking, what do I actually want right now? we start asking, what should my life look like right now? And while they sound similar, those are two very different questions.
Self-improvement isn’t the problem. Wanting to grow, evolve, and build a life you’re proud of isn’t something to backtrack from or feel wrong for doing, but it becomes a problem when growth stops being internal and starts becoming an aesthetic.
Now it looks like romanticizing burnout as “discipline,” or cutting off fun because it’s “unproductive.” Acting emotionally detached because it seems more mature. It’s less about becoming and more about proving.
And it sounds convincing until you realize what it’s costing you.
The moments you don’t get back are a part of this that no one really talks about… what you lose when you’re too busy trying to be “better.” You skip the random late-night drives. You say no to going-out plans because you “should stay in.” You hold back parts of your personality because they feel “too much” or “too childish.” You start living like you’re already 35, forgetting that you’re literally in the one phase of life where you’re allowed to be messy, curious, spontaneous, and figuring it out.
And the truth is, no future version of you is going to thank you for missing out on your own life. Because those small, “unproductive” moments? That’s actually where your life happens.
I think growing up constantly aware of how we’re being perceived teaches us how to perform. Add in the pressure of careers and finances, and it makes sense why we’re rushing to feel established already. So we try to get ahead of it by becoming hyper-aware, hyper-productive, hyper-controlled versions of ourselves. But in doing that, we lose something important, like our authenticity.
There is no prize for becoming the most put-together 23-year-old.
So what if you let yourself be a little “immature”? What if you said yes to things just because they sound fun? You stopped over-explaining your life choices. You let yourself be loud, messy, emotional, and unsure. What if you trusted that you don’t need to rush your life?
Because one day, you will have responsibilities, structure, and everything figured out in a way that feels stable. But you won’t be 20-something anymore. And you don’t get this version of your life back.
Stop trying to prove that you’re growing up… and actually experience it.