By Miah Loveday
Hey Tigers, I am going to tell on myself again this week, so bear with me. The simple questions “Are you ok?” or “Do you need anything?” seems harmless and for a long time they carried no weight to me. Often, they triggered the automatic responses “I’m fine” or “I’m doing alright,” as if I had a script memorized. I did not think much of it until a few years ago when I finally asked myself why those responses flowed out so easily. Saying “I’m fine” had quietly built this narrative, that Miah is always okay.
At first that reputation felt empowering. I became the “strong” friend, the one people came to when they needed advice, comfort, or stability. Being the “strong” friend felt like the role I was born to play and I played it well. Over time, I found myself asking why no one showed up the way I showed up for them. I thought I had terrible friendships. While others were depending on me, I realized that I never allowed myself to depend on them.
Allowing myself to lean on another requires a level of vulnerability that has been abused by others. In self-defense I told myself that I did not need to be that venerable, thereby pushing those who care about me an arm’s length away. Since my revelation, I have been extra intentional about answering honestly. I am still a “strong” friend, but I realized that real strength is not about carrying everything alone, it’s about honesty and vulnerability and allowing others to show up for you. So, Tigers, are you allowing yourself to depend on others? How are you answering when someone asks you, “Are you okay?”