The most common question I remember being asked as a kid was this:
“What do you want to be when you grow up?”
It was on those “About Me” coloring pages I got in class. It was asked by my aunts and uncles whenever I visited or from my classmates when hanging out together. The question never really leaves you as you grow up. All of the classes I took in high school felt like it was shaped for it. Every conference and meeting with my advisor was all about my career and the next steps. College decisions, organizations I join, all of it.
So, what did I want? What exactly did I dream for?
THE BIG PROBLEM
When I was asked this question, my answer was usually the same thing:
“I want to be an artist.”
I liked drawing. My childhood was filled with those cheap art sets and multiple cases of colored pencils. I owned more sketchbooks than I could count. So, as a kid, I kind of just stuck with it because I didn’t have much else.
It was when I reached middle school that the idea started to become a little discomforting.
When I would ask my peers about what they wanted to do, they gave me answers like “doctor” or “engineer.” I would ask why, and oftentimes they would say “because it pays a lot” or “it’s easier to find a job this way.”
I didn’t get it at first. It didn’t help I thought those jobs were boring, but I didn’t understand why someone would want to work jobs that seemed tiring, difficult to work towards. It was even worse when I would tell them I wanted to do art for a living. There would be some people that tell me that working in that field is unstable, albeit unrealistic. I wouldn’t be able to find a job, I would end up broke and homeless and I would hate myself for it.
…Right, because that’s what every young, growing adolescent wants to hear.
So, after hearing similar phrases over and over, the idea slowly began to fade. My answer to the big question was “I’m not sure yet” or “still deciding.” For years, I was in this limbo about what I wanted to do for the rest of my life. It was anxiety inducing when my classmates in high school had a set pathway for the next four years of classes. I in comparison took random design classes and Advanced Placement (AP) courses that I thought maybe could help me in college.
No plan, no idea. College application decision was rough for a multitude of reasons. I chose random colleges with a variety of majors (chemistry, political science, business, communications, design) because I had no idea what I truly wanted. Even in the end, when I thought I chose the college I wanted, it didn’t really go my way.
The thought of my dreams wasn’t in the picture. I was tired. I just wanted a degree that could get me a job.
DREAMS VS. STABILITY
My friends often like asking me for advice.
I’m not sure why, maybe it’s because I seem reliable and honest about their circumstances, but it happens often. Recently though, what they talk to me the most often about is that they don’t know what they want to do.
As a communication major, it seems to happen more prevalently with my friends who are also in the major. It’s nice that the area is broad, but the major leaves almost too much room, and for the people who had no original plans, the space becomes daunting. Then, there are those who are passionate about certain interests but stray away from them academically out of fear. There’s also the ones who decide to switch their major. They decide to switch under the premise of how the degree could give them access to jobs or a better network.
We often forget that we’re still young. Barely adults and we’re thrusted into the reality that we have to figure things out for ourselves. I have to learn how to apply for jobs and build a resume. I have to sign housing applications and make sure I’m not getting scammed. Plan my classes for the next four years. All of these responsibilities that most of us are not given any preparation for. Yet, we live day by day as if this is normal, and that all of the things that we do are so that we can get a job that pays well.
I see it day by day. A computer science major who would rather spend the rest of his life cooking for big restaurants. Communication majors who fear the marketing industry is too oversaturated and they won’t get a job even if they try. My friend who has already switched his major once this school year, and plans on switching again when I know he has no idea what he’ll do with it. That’s a lot of my friends, actually: they’re lost.
“How did you figure out what you want to do?”
…So here’s the thing: I still haven’t.
I think the reason it might seem that way is because I panic less. I participate in so many things it almost seems like I have everything figured out. I never question my pathway and plan for the next steps.
Despite that, every day, I think about how my major might lead to nothing. I might be broke by the time I graduate with no plan. People don’t even treat my major seriously in most conversations.
The difference is that I don’t let that sway my life. Instead, I let my personal, unrealistic dreams linger.
If I was given the ability to pursue anything I wanted, it would be to do makeup. Working in New York for those big runways and watching my work on these beautiful models get photographed over and over for everybody to see. I want it to inspire, and I want it to be interesting for others. It’s unrealistic right? I would have to be really, really good at makeup and form all of these connections with big brands. Notoriously difficult and hard to achieve.
Yet, I still try. I post videos about it all the time on my social media. I force my friends to let me do their makeup so I can practice. I buy an unnecessary amount of makeup products instead of meals. I volunteer for photoshoots. Additionally, I pursue my other smaller interests. I go to internship events that different organizations host. I write articles here, for Her Campus because I was slightly curious about journalism.
At the same time, however, I stay realistic. I focus on completing the courses for my major in hopes of being able to graduate as efficiently and effectively as possible. I look into double majors and minors. I find internships, jobs, research opportunities.
I don’t force this idea that everything I do is so that I can be stable for the rest of my life. That’s future me that can worry. Instead, I enjoy life for what it is in the moment.
MY ADVICE
It’s valid to want to be stable for the rest of your life.
Uncertainty is terrifying. I would hate knowing that I could be struggling for the rest of my years because I didn’t take things seriously now. I will never shun people for choosing the career that gets them the most money. I will never doubt or degrade those who have no plans and stress about their futures. I would also never judge someone for wanting a job, even if they don’t love it.
Take a deep breath, and let yourself know it’s okay.
I understand that it can really difficult knowing what you want. In my personal opinion, I find that focusing on the present tends to help with this uncertainty. Giving yourself time to explore as many passions, big or small, to see what you truly love. There’s a reason I try to join as many things as possible, and even then I’m still not 100% about what I want.
You could be an upcoming college freshman awaiting your acceptance letters, or an upperclassmen about to graduate, and still feel that discomforting feeling about what you wish for.
That’s normal, and it makes you human. My advice is this: let your dreams mingle with stability. Give yourself time to enjoy life no matter what stage you’re at. Many students don’t figure out what they want to do until way later. People take gap years to explore. You won’t be behind from doing so.
Dreams are fickle and scary. Stability is safe and easy. I think people should consider a mix of both.