Last fall, during a tough time in my life, I found the book titled The “Let Them” Theory. At this time, I was willing to try anything to help me so even though I wasn’t big on self-help books, I caved in and I ordered the book. Within the first few chapters, I fell completely in love with the theory.
I’ve spent most of my time catering to others, falling into the shoes people want me to fill, and for lack of better words, not having much of a backbone. When people disrespected me or didn’t fulfill their job to the full potential, I stayed quiet and took over their role and hoped that they’d still like me at the end of it all. Having people like me felt like it meant more than my own wellbeing.
The Let Them theory argues against this, posing a world where you realize that other actions don’t define you and that you can’t change them, no matter how hard you might want to. If people don’t like you, let them. If people don’t believe you, let them. If they don’t invite you, let them.
This theory altered the way I viewed my friendships and everything else going on in my life and pulled me out of a really dark place. It can be hard to implement at first, especially when your life is so rooted in ideologies that are against this, but from my own experience, I can promise you it’s worth it. It may not be fully implemented for me yet, but I can definitely feel a difference already.
But there’s a second part to this theory that most people miss which is the Let me side of it. This side argues that while you let them behave how they will, you also let yourself choose how you’re going to respond. You let yourself set boundaries, walk away, or even speak up. Let them does not mean staying completely silent, depending on how you want to approach the situation.
This mindset should work in reducing your anxiety and helping to show clarity and self-respect to yourself. While caring about others and going out of your way to be kind is a good thing to do still, this doesn’t diminish that and instead helps you to protect your peace.