There is nothing quite like this time of year. The bite in the air outside that encourages you to stay inside with that book you’ve been eyeing. The candles that smell like they were poured straight from a forest at the North Pole. The traditions you begrudgingly take part in every year, knowing you’d be heartbroken if your family ever said, “We’re not going to do it this year.” And, of course, the all-consuming papers and exams that demand every last bit of your brainpower while you’re also trying to say “see ya later” to your favorite people for the next four weeks.
As beautiful and warm as this time of year is, I’d be remiss not to acknowledge that there can be something frustrating about the glorious Christmas break when you’re a 20-year-old girl. It is inherently so easy to leave the semester with critiques for yourself.
You are brilliant. If you are at university, you are brilliant, you are developing the ability to be poignant and articulate, and you are so incredibly accomplished for doing college and all the millions of things that come with it.
Despite this, the infamously awkward two weeks of hustle and locking in between the holidays make self-deprecating thoughts pertinent as you leave for Christmas break.
It is so easy to narrow your gaze onto a grade that never came up to an A, a paper you know wasn’t written as well as it could’ve been, or a conversation that didn’t leave you satisfied with a person you won’t see until mid-January. The narrative shifts from look how much I’ve lived to look what I messed up, and the sentimentality about all the joy you’ve felt gets left in the dust.
What would happen if you allowed yourself to leave campus ruminating on the richness of all the memories you made?
Let yourself be full and satisfied in the spritz nights with friends, the study dates, the lunches with new people, the walks to Reynolda, and the moments sitting criss-cross on a dorm-room floor when you had every intention of going to ZSR.
The this music is so loud, but I’m having SO MUCH FUN nights.
The I just spoke in class — maybe I’m smarter than I thought mornings.
The the sun is out, and I just said hi to 9 people I know, therefore I’m doing college right mid-afternoon realizations.
Think about the really good latte you got at Airstream with a friend.
The I feel so alive even though I was up super late; I am truly unstoppable thought you had on the way to your 9:30 class that you didn’t think you’d make it to.
This is the perfect time to let yourself be full of love. Sometimes winter break does take an active effort—a held tongue, a practiced peace, an intentional breath. It is a lot of “me” time, a lot of family time, and a lot of “whoa, I’ve changed”. Therefore, I implore you to let yourself feel accomplished for everything you’ve experienced: friends, travel, small and pretty things, and the beautiful people all around you that you pursue each and every day. So many good people who think you’re good.
And amid all of it, you have grown into someone who knows herself more deeply than she did thirteen weeks ago. That is worth noticing. That is worth giving credit to those around you for the many doors you walked through together, and giving credit to yourself for coming away from them a better person who knows what she wants from the world.
We live in such an era of “me-isms”. As you go home to questions about your semester and you feel overwhelmed in how to answer questions about yourself in the most impressive way, let that go.
You did it. You made someone feel loved. You did something that made you feel loved. You earned another tool/resource/piece of knowledge that will better serve you in loving the world one day. Well done.
That version of you deserves grace. She deserves gratitude. She deserves a moment to breathe. You’re doing college well. You do not need to perform and talk up this semester and talk down upon that bad exam to feel accomplished.
Let yourself take part in the immeasurable joy that you’ve incited this semester. You’ve done well. And that is enough.