It’s that time of year again. For some reason, it feels like there is just something in the air. I don’t know much of the reasoning why, but I know it’s taken me for a whirlwind.
The best analogy I can think of for this season of my life is a merry-go-round. By definition, a merry-go-round is a revolving machine with model horses or other animals on which people ride for amusement – a never-ending spinning ride. But I have never been one to stomach a carnival spinning ride, feeling stuck in one place, without the ability to move around, in fear of being catapulted off the ride. If I’m not careful, anything in my stomach will come right back up, so I usually like to avoid them at all costs – but you can’t avoid life.
As I sit down to write this at Littlefield cafe on campus, I am listening to one of my favorite artists, Kacey Musgraves, and the lyrics from the chorus of her song “Merry Go ‘Round” stick out to me:
On this broken merry-go-round
And ‘round and ‘round we go
where it stops nobody knows
and it ain’t slowing down
this merry go ‘round
As someone who is type B to a tee, I have never been one to have a 10 or 5-year plan for my life. From a young age, I have understood the gravity of time and that we don’t have much of it here on earth. So as long as we are doing things that are making us happy and striving to be better, then the rest of the great things in life will follow. I might not know what plan I am going to take to get there, but I put trust in the Lord because I know He has a plan for me, especially when I cannot see things clearly for myself.
But lately, everything in my life is being tested. It’s been difficult to see the light at the end of the tunnel and have faith that things could get better.
So I count my lucky stars every day that I get to attend this beautiful school that offers me so much grace and wisdom. This semester, I am taking a history course with Dr. Leonard N. Moore. His course has been one of my favorite classes I have ever taken here at UT because he isn’t afraid to tell the truth and broaden students’ intellectual horizons. Last week, we had a guest speaker by the name of Daron K. Roberts, who gave a speech titled “Stay in the Deep End.”
He spoke about going through difficult times, and instead of letting it get us down, we should use it as fuel to push through and embrace it. To grow what you go through. This was by far one of my favorite lectures I have ever attended. I needed to hear this message, and I hope this helps someone who might also be going through a difficult time right now. These are just a few points that stuck out to me:
Notice What Lights You Up
Make time to connect with yourself again. When you aren’t working, doing homework, or studying, what are you doing when you don’t have anything to do? For me, that looks like sitting on the floor of my room, opening up my laptop, going to ‘Ultimate Guitar,’ and choosing a new song to learn how to play on the guitar. Then once I feel up to it, picking up my phone and recording myself singing and playing that song to then eventually posting it for others to see, because who cares what anyone thinks anyway? If it makes you happy, then it’s worth sharing with the world. Other times, it looks like journaling or spending time with God in prayer at home or weekly adoration. It can look like drawing, dancing, crafting, running, or anything that makes you happy and lights you up from within. Something that reminds you not to take everything so seriously, but to enjoy every moment for its simple but great impact.
Trust the Process
Assess, adapt, and advance. You are never going to have all the information, so it’s important to trust in the plans set in store for you. You are going to be okay. I repeat, you are going to be okay. There may be setbacks and things you may not have ever expected to be taken from you, but these things are only put in your life to make you stronger. As someone who has had her fair share of hardships, I know from experience that everything will work itself out. Yes, it will be painful. It will be unfair. No, you don’t deserve it, but you will make it through. You will grow through this, because you have to. What is life without a bit of theatrics? Boring. And who wants that? I know I want a happy and fulfilling life, and if I have to go through pain to get there, then so be it. At least I know I will never be alone, because I have always had my faith to lean on.
It’s silly, but I like to think God has been walking extra close with me lately, keeping a close watch. Showing in small but meaningful ways that he sees and feels my pain too, from the gloomy weather to the simple fact that my course load has slowed down, and work-life balance has slowly but surely gotten more bearable. Life has surely seemed to slow down, and in a way, it feels like that’s God’s way of giving me grace during this time. It has allowed me to feel all my feelings and sit with my emotions, something I hadn’t been able to do all semester long; I simply didn’t have the time.
Spend More Time with the People Who Will Be at Your Funeral
The way he phrased this really made me take a step back. It hit home. Simply put, build your village, but most importantly, be a villager. If there is one thing that is promised, it’s that we are all going to die one day. Life is too short to not invest time in the people you love most and who love you most – and don’t get confused between people who are in your circle and the people who are in your corner, because there is a big difference.
Make plans to go get coffee with the friend you haven’t seen in 3 weeks. Pick up your friend from the airport. FaceTime your insanely connected best friend back in your hometown and catch up on all the latest drama going on. Show up at your friend’s apartment with ice cream, brownies, and chicken noodle soup when she’s going through a breakup. Call your mom and let her tell you about all the grievances she can’t express to anyone else. Lean on the people who show up for you when you are going through your most difficult times and don’t take them for granted. And if for some reason you can’t spend time with the people you care about – pray for them, because that’s all you can really do. Lead with love and love will come back to you.
Life can feel heavy, trust me, I know. You are not alone. But we can get through this.
Hopefully, this encourages you to take a look at your life, in whatever stage you are in right now, and feel gratitude.
Because in the midst of darkness is when light really shines anyway.