We’ve all heard it before: you can’t outrun your problems. Yet, more often than not for some of us, we completely ignore this commonality or don’t even realize we’re avoiding something. Whether it be procrastination, social distraction, or just pretending our problems don’t exist, we all have our own ways of avoiding things.
It is common self-awareness to have an understanding of our own avoidance techniques. However, it can be so much harder to identify when we are avoiding something without even realizing it, or pushing it down and praying, so to speak (shoutout Lizzy McAlpine). With that said, here are a few ways to identify if you may be unintentionally avoiding something:
Rabbit Holes
Going down a rabbit hole can be a clear indicator that you’re avoiding the core of an issue. The worst part about rabbit holes is that we rarely realize we are doing it when it’s happening, and it’s usually only afterward that we can see we’ve been wasting both our time and mental energy.
I’ve been guilty of this many times myself, especially with schoolwork. I’ll start looking for one empirical article and suddenly I’m deep into dozens, even after I’ve already found more than enough for my paper. And while educating yourself further is not a loss, I often realize I’ve spent hours exhausting my mental energy without writing a single word of an essay that’s due that same day.
Rabbit holes are not always a waste of time, but they are certainly a way we distract ourselves from what our central intention or issue is. I see this a lot when I talk to people about their relationships as well. We have all been guilty at one point or another of complaining that the person we’re involved with hasn’t responded in hours, endlessly nitpicking small annoyances, or fixating on a singular relationship issue for long periods of time. However, these are all ways to avoid thinking about or addressing the larger and deeper underlying issues in our relationships.
My point in all of this is to say: if you are going down the rabbit hole about anything, there is a big chance you’re just trying to avoid the root of an issue.
Emotional Numbing
This is possibly one of my more controversial takes, but I think it is really easy to mistake peace for complacency. Rewatching the same comfort show for the tenth time, sticking to predictable routines, or constantly chasing the familiar, all of these can quietly function as emotional buffers. None of these habits are bad on their own, obviously, but if you find yourself reaching for them every time a real emotion starts to surface, it might be a sign you’re avoiding sitting with something uncomfortable. There is comfort in the familiar, but I think sometimes we cling to it too much to avoid the pain that can come with trying something new or different. Living in stagnancy or an emotional numb can be easy and sometimes peaceful, but it can also be indicative of trying to avoid moving on, moving forward, or simply embracing all the new things life has to offer.
Over-Filling Your Schedule
Another sneaky form of avoidance is keeping yourself constantly, almost aggressively, busy. This is a concept I deeply get, it’s a lot easier to do basically anything other than sit in your own thoughts sometimes. It looks productive: your day is filled with work, errands, gym sessions, social plans, and a dozen seemingly “important” tasks. But sometimes being that busy isn’t about efficiency at all; it’s about distraction. When every minute of your day is accounted for, there’s no space left to actually sit with your thoughts. And if slowing down feels uncomfortable or instantly gives you anxiety, there’s a decent chance you’re avoiding something deeper.