Anxiety thrives on uncertainty. However, I’ve adapted a straightforward question that keeps it from running my life: “So what?”
If I fail this exam, so what? If I say something awkward, so what? If this person judges me, so what? If my plan doesn’t go perfectly, so what?
Before I started developing this mindset, fear ruled every decision in my life. Anxiety is a megaphone that amplifies insecurities; it takes the tiniest speck of doubt and turns it into a mountain. It convinces you that you’re not ready, not capable, or not enough. Lately, I’ve started to see anxiety differently; it means that what you’re doing matters to you, which is precisely why you should do it anyway.
Anxiety: My Unwanted Sidekick
Anxiety makes us believe that every failure is a disaster. One failed test? You can forget about grad school. Say something embarrassing? You’ll never recover from this.
However, as in all things, this is just an illusion. One bad grade doesn’t mean you’ve lost your intelligence. One embarrassing moment doesn’t take away your value. You haven’t lost your potential by failing. What if everyone else’s reaction is nothing but opinions? What if failure doesn’t necessarily mean “the end,” but rather, “not yet”?
Anxiety thrives on uncertainty; our minds can create a whirlwind of worst-case scenarios from a single unknown. The “so what?” approach to thinking doesn’t eliminate anxiety; rather, it helps to put it into perspective. This approach reminds me that I’ve made it through every uncertain time, and I’ll make it through the next ones as well!
- Call Out the Feeling Before It Controls You
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When things feel too overwhelming, I try to identify what I’m feeling. This could be the feeling of having many exams coming up, or it could be an advising error that sent me spiraling (I know this feeling all too well). Regardless of what it is, I try to determine how important this issue will be in one week, one month, and one year. Most of the time, my response is: not very important. However, in the moment, it’s still hard to have this perspective.
Reframing your mindset isn’t about perfection; it’s about growth. Maybe you’re in a slump and haven’t gotten out of bed for weeks. If all you did today was get out of bed, that’s an accomplishment! Growth doesn’t always look glamorous; sometimes, it’s simply choosing to show up, even when your mind tells you not to.
- Ground Yourself in the Moment
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As a chronic overthinker, I stress about upcoming deadlines. This is the way anxiety functions: It pulls you out of your current state and brings you to every possible disaster that could happen.
Being grounded in the moment will provide the solution. You may not be able to accomplish everything at once; however, you can complete one task at a time. Right now, all you have to take care of is this present moment, not the next moment or the moment after that. You can do it, just one little moment at a time!
- Create a “Worry Window”
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Managing anxiety is like having a full-time job that doesn’t pay very well. My thoughts clock in early and don’t clock out. I’ve even had one day this semester where I spent nearly all of it worrying! When a thought pops into my head outside of the worry window, I say to myself, “I’ll think about that later.” Most of the time, the thought seems significantly less massive by the time “later” arrives.
- Don’t Get in Your Own Way
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I remember my therapist telling me to think of three hard things I’ve done before, and she said to me, “See? You can do hard things.” Anxiety likes to remind us of our weaknesses, instead of all the things we’ve been strong at. You’ve already done difficult things, and you’ll do them again. The skill is already inside you; you just need to learn to stop blocking it.
- Get Out of Your Head
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What’s something you love? If you have the answer, you should go do that! For me, I love going on walks around campus and blasting music on my headphones. Sometimes stepping away from situations is the best way to take your mind off things.
- Talk About It
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It’s honestly surprising just how much talking about your feelings can help. This semester has taught me the importance of patience and dedication. I’ve had to deal with many struggles, ranging from difficult roommates to academic advising.
One day, a classmate went out of their way to comfort me after a particularly stressful day. It was so sweet and, honestly, I was surprised at how much better it made me feel! Although it’s scary to open up, I genuinely believe there’s nothing better than feeling heard.
- Ask Yourself: “So What?”
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Here’s a trick my therapist taught me: Can this be proven in a court of law? Most anxious thoughts aren’t facts. There’s no evidence. Most of the negative thinking we do has no basis. We have no proof for most of our worst fears. When you pair that with “so what?” you just might feel a lot freer. If there’s no proof for it, then it doesn’t define who you are.
Remember, your life is yours to live, not your anxiety’s to control!
Redefining What Courage Looks Like
In my first semester of college, I barely spoke up in class out of fear of being wrong. However, I discovered that courage isn’t about having confidence; it’s about being brave enough to show up, even when you’re fearful. I did eventually work up the courage to answer a question in front of the class, because, really, what’s the worst that can happen? So, what if my answer sucks? With each step, the fear became less prevalent. Courage isn’t about being fearless. It’s about doing the things that scare you despite them.
So, stop letting the voice of fear whisper in your ear and ask yourself one simple question: “So what?”
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