“Protect your peace” is a phrase that has gained traction on many social media platforms over the last couple of years and has become the focus of many self-help books and advice columns. The act involves setting boundaries on your time and energy, as well as prioritizing your own mental health over others’ wants or needs.
This mindset gained a following on TikTok and other platforms because it encourages having a protective thought process in a people-pleasing world. People who protect their peace may begin to say “no” more, set boundaries within relationships despite uncomfortable conversations, and overall, focus on putting themselves first.
Unfortunately, like most things on social media, some individuals may misconstrue this school of thought. “Protect your peace” has now become a way to avoid showing up for others. It’s your friend’s birthday, but you had a hard day at work: don’t go. Someone you know is emotionally draining to be around because they are going through a tough time right now: distance yourself from them to protect your own stability.
Frankly, I think this saying has just become a shield to hide bad behavior towards friends. And when held accountable for self-serving behavior, some people claim their friends are disrespecting their boundaries.
The truth is, these aren’t boundaries.
To be a good friend and maintain social relationships (specifically platonic), you have to show up for the people around you. Whether you are tired, having a hard day, or simply wanting some alone time, if it comes at the cost of those around you, you are being a bad friend. Sometimes you will cancel because you’re having a bad day, and that’s okay; life happens. But consistently not showing up for the people around you for important moments is not okay, especially if you expect them to show up for you in return.
Whether it’s birthdays, promotions, moving, break-ups, or a friend’s night out, I believe you owe your friends loyalty, your time, and your energy. Otherwise, what is the point of being more than acquaintances at all?
This is not to say that boundaries are not important, or that personal days are not essential. It’s important to recognize that a balance exists: one where one’s own “peace” is protected, but one remains a good friend to those around them.
Although prioritizing your well-being is important, so is showing up for others.
Want to keep up with HCBU? Make sure to like us on Facebook, follow us on Instagram, check out our Pinterest board, watch us on TikTok, and read our latest Tweets!