When It’s Not About Love, But It Still Hurts
Everyone talks about romantic breakups: the heartbreak, the crying, the healing playlists. But no one really prepares you for the heartbreak that comes from friendship breakups. Honestly, almost everyone in college has been through a friendship breakup at some point, even if they haven’t had a romantic one yet. And if you haven’t? Don’t worry, you’re not missing out on anything, because friendship breakups can hurt just as much (if not more).
The Freshman Year Illusion
Year one usually starts off with chaos. Suddenly you have ten different friends, maybe even twenty. You meet people everywhere, in your dorms, your classes, the mess, events. And for a while, it feels like everyone you meet could be your person. But as time goes on, not all those friendships last. And that’s completely normal.
Sometimes, friendships end because of fights or misunderstandings. But other times, there isn’t a big reason at all. You just… drift apart. It’s one of the strangest feelings, going from talking every day to barely saying hi in the hallway. It hurts because you did make memories with that person, you shared inside jokes, late-night rants, chai breaks, and random laughter. In fact, a survey found that 69% of Indians said not being able to see friends made them feel lonelier, and 50% felt their friendships were weakened due to social distancing. It’s a reminder that even when there’s no big fight, simply drifting apart can hit just as hard. But over time, you make peace with it, because that’s just how college works sometimes.
Finding “Your People”
You start realizing that college isn’t just about finding friends, it’s about finding your people. In the beginning, it’s hard to judge who you’ll truly click with. Some people are amazing! Kind, funny, good at heart — but still not your people. Maybe your routines don’t match, maybe your priorities are different, or maybe you just function differently. And that’s okay. It doesn’t mean they’re bad friends or that something went wrong; it just means you’re growing into different versions of yourselves.
Choosing What Fits You
It’s also okay to outgrow certain groups. You might not be part of “the party group” or “the cool crowd”. Maybe you prefer a smaller circle, or quiet nights in. Or maybe you are part of those groups because that’s where you feel happiest. Either way, you get to choose what fits you best. You get to prioritize yourself, your comfort, and your peace.
Making Peace and Moving Forward
The truth is, college is too short to dwell on broken friendships. It’s okay to miss people who were once close to you, but it’s also okay to move on and make space for new ones. You’ll meet people who understand your quirks, who get your schedule, who align with your goals, and that’s when it clicks.
And before you move on, it’s also okay to let yourself mourn it. Cry in bed, eat that tub of ice cream, rewatch your favorite comfort show, and scroll through old photos if you need to. Let yourself feel it — the ache, the nostalgia, the what-ifs. Because pretending it doesn’t hurt doesn’t make it easier. Feeling it fully is how you eventually let it go.
So yes, friendship breakups hurt. They sting in ways that are hard to explain. But they also teach you how to value the right people, how to set boundaries, and how to choose yourself. Treasure the memories you made, let go of what no longer fits, and keep moving forward.
Because college isn’t just about finding friends; it’s about finding the ones who feel like home.
