We were not made to be able to reach each other at the touch of a button — we were made to wait, experience, build tension, and interact wholly. I fear technology is taking meaningful communication away from us slowly but surely, until all we receive are tiny crumbs of what would otherwise be the deep connective moments that we all crave. In my own life, I have seen my relationships both flourish and suffer at the hands of technology. And until recently I could not weigh the net gain/loss. I took a step back and evaluated the pros and cons of the use (and extent of usage) of technology within my own personal relationships, and have come up with my own system to mitigate those crumbs of conversation that somehow make the whole slice go dry and stale.
The Pros
Overall, I decided that within my own maintenance of personal relationships, technology in itself comes out as a benefit — truly, how could it not? Of course, there is something to be said about the adoration of receiving a hand-written letter, or the childhood excitement of knocking on a neighbor’s door to see if someone is home — but in adult life, where things are constantly hectic and socially demanding, the ability to send a text message or make a quick on-the-go phone call is untradable. From checking in on grandparents who live too far away to calling the doctor’s office, the use of technology allows us to maintain contact easily, but also save time that could be better spent growing what is tangible in our day-to-day lives.
There is also something to be said about the wide net that technology spreads for us in terms of reachable contacts. I have met roommates, boyfriends, friends, and pen pals through technology, which has allowed me to create long-lasting relationships that I don’t think I would have otherwise. Everything is at our fingertips, and we have the ability to connect with so much more than we were intended to, which, of course, needs its own moderation by the user… something that I did not afford myself until recently.
The cons
And this is where I go on my tangent about constant communication, because quite literally what are we doing?!? My personal relationships have seen the effects of technology’s pros and cons firsthand. And I will say, the silent killer of it all is the constant communication that it ever so graciously gives us. Constant communication kills the suspense, the surprise, and the magic from conversations — and somehow we get hooked on it. We check locations, Snapchat, and spam group threads — well-intentioned of course — but nonetheless, still inevitably contributing to the diminishing of emotion that comes from learning about the unknown parts of others in a distinct, deep conversation.
Constant communication thins the duration of conversations into small bits scattered throughout the day, which, for me at least, feels mundane and almost like a chore. This could definitely be a hot take, the more that I think about it. Nonetheless, I think it’s important to think about: how are we spending our time conversing with each other? Where is the intrigue? How do we keep these things alive?
I have taken a step back within my personal relationship with my significant other in regards to technological communication because I was finding myself automatically updating them on things, conversations, places, thoughts, etc., that perhaps should have been saved for a phone call at the end of the day, that inevitably killed the momentum and made our conversations all blend. For me, this looked like keeping a small journal with updates about my day (something like a commonplace journal if you’re into that) so as not to overwhelm our text thread. Mitigating constant communication also looked like only calling when there was something to be caught up on, a check-in to be made, or at the end of the day. Taking the active step towards meaningful separation and suspense, along with distinctive lengthy conversations, have fulfilled me in more ways than one. I have been able to pay more attention to the world in front of me, away from the attention that is begged for in a cycle of constant conversation and most importantly, I have been able to pay more meaningful attention to those who I have relationships with. Being able to sit down at the end of the day, in person or over the phone, and debrief, laugh, share, and check-in with one another is an act of care in itself, one that felt like it was being stripped away by the demands of technology.