Sobriety is a highly emotional and personal journey. I have always been sober for reasons I choose not to disclose (more on this later), and I’ve also always been surrounded by friends who chose sobriety. Since arriving at college, I’ve learned that sobriety isn’t always the popular choice, and I’ve struggled to navigate the experience of staying sober in an environment where it isn’t so simple.
This article is not meant to condemn any individual who chooses to experiment with substances. Like sobriety, this is also a highly personal choice. As long as you are making safe and legal choices, this is a decision that is exclusively yours. However, this article can offer some guidelines about how to best support your sober friends and express complicated feelings.
Additionally, this article is not for those seeking professional guidance on sobriety. This is just my lived experience and what I’m learning along the way. If you are in a similar position, I’d love to share what I know so far and navigate this journey together.
1- It is important to know your boundaries and response to being surrounded by substances.
As mentioned previously, there are strong feelings surrounding sobriety that are unique to each individual. Similarly, each individual will have specific boundaries that are necessary for their experience.
To determine your boundaries, ask yourself questions like: Am I uncomfortable around specific substances? When others use substances, am I scared or sad? Do I feel like I can be surrounded by substances and not want to join?
If you are sober and are comfortable around substances, there are other boundaries to consider. Do I feel responsible for my friends who are using substances? Am I okay caring for my friends, or do I feel too much pressure? How will I handle declining being offered substances? Do I feel the need to explain my sobriety?
This list of questions, among others, have acted as a guide in establishing boundaries for my college experience. Remember, your journey with sobriety is yours, and it is perfectly acceptable to have specific boundaries that help establish a path that makes you feel comfortable and complete.
2- You do not have to explain why you are choosing sobriety.
While this aligns with the topic of establishing boundaries, my sobriety has been questioned so frequently that I feel it deserves its own mention.
I have many reasons for staying sober, but I have some reasons associated with bad memories and situations that I do not enjoy discussing. It is disrespectful to question my reasoning, especially if we are strangers in a relaxed social situation. Assume that if I wanted to share more about my journey with sobriety, I would. From conversations I have had with sober friends, this experience is true for most individuals.
As mentioned, it is also perfectly acceptable to share your story. It is just important to know that you are not required to explain or justify your boundaries. It is always up to you.
If you are reading this article to learn how to help your sober friends, this is a great starting place on how to respect boundaries and be encouraging.
3- You will be accepted for your sobriety and find comfortable spaces.
When I realized most of the friends I made at college weren’t practicing sobriety, I worried I would feel like an outcast. I was worried that I would be judged by my new friends, or I’d never attend a social gathering where I felt completely comfortable. Fortunately, this could not be further from the truth.
First of all, my close friends have been so supportive of my choice. If you have genuine, high-quality friendships, you do not need to worry about being honest about your sobriety. You will not ruin your friends’ fun. You will not be pressured to make decisions you are uncomfortable with. You will be understood and supported. If you find yourself in friendships where you feel excluded or pressured to change your lifestyle, these are likely friendships that need to be reevaluated.
Since adjusting to campus life, I’ve realized there are plenty of spaces where sobriety is encouraged. Campus events are great social opportunities that are substance-free. Campuses also offer support groups for those struggling with sobriety, looking to make sober friends, or simply need a space to speak about their experiences.
Remember, you are not alone in your journey. Sobriety can be difficult, but these are choices that I have made that make things easier. Establish specific boundaries that make you feel most comfortable, never feel the need to justify your choice, and search for spaces where you are supported.