As each generation evolves, it seems like the idea of the perfect first date changes as well. Not too long ago, I had a chat with my grandfather and asked him, “When you were my age, where would take a girl out on the first date?” He replied to me and said, “I would take her to the movies and then we could go out to eat; or if it were the summertime, I would take a ride out to Asbury Park, go to the boardwalk, chat, and get on a couple rides.” I thought to myself, Wow something so simple, but you can tell that at least *some* type of effort or thoughtfulness was presented. And as I was brought back to reality, I was reminded of how lost and deterred the men in my generation really seem to be.
In 2025, it somewhat feels like men have altogether changed the definition of a first date. Many of the guys in my friends and I’s orbit will put no effort into planning something and would rather show up to our house to “Netflix & Chill.” Every time I hear this lousy line, it almost feels like a slap to the face; and I get to thinking why someone would even feel the slightest amount of comfortability to show up to my house without planning anything special… and expect to have sexual relations with me.
The first date is a time where you get to know a person, see the potential in them, find a spark—it’s a way to see if they can make you laugh, not a guaranteed “hook-up.” And even after the first date, for me, sex is not an option. I believe sex is supposed to be something sacred and performed with someone that you truly care about and love. I always think: how can you know if that person is meant for you just from the first date? I already know what most men will say when they read this: “Well it takes two… it’s not 100% the man’s fault.” But I think that many women my age feel a daunting social pressure to have sex, which can affect our decision-making in those situations.
In today’s chaotic world of dating, emphasis on traditional dating rituals has almost completely been diminished. Social media seems to be much to blame for this, as many men feel that they can get to know you through a screen and not have to put in any effort beyond that. I know that this can sound cliché, but sometimes I feel like I was born in the wrong generation. What happened to men calling and asking to plan a date to see us? What happened to flowers on the first date? What happened to opening the door for a woman?
Somehow it feels like roles have totally been reversed, but one day I pray that they change. Who wants to tell their kids that mommy’s first time meeting daddy was in his dorm, and they watched Scarface? I know I don’t.
First dates matter to me—because one day, I want to tell my kids about the literal and metaphorical fireworks on the boardwalk, not how their dad was asking me what my Netflix password was.