Here’s some advice from a well-lived college student. By that, I mean a barely standing survivor of freshman year. Do things alone.
As an incoming freshman almost a year ago, I hoarded college advice. Both my parents had gone to college in India, and I had no one to turn to about how American college life would be. I turned to, as everyone does nowadays, TikTok. And to be honest, most of these influencers’ advice turned out to be accurate; get a Brita, 8ams in college are not the same as 8ams in high school, invest in a good mattress topper, walking shoes, sweatpants, focus on your grades but still have fun, you’re only a freshman once, and so on. One piece of advice that slipped through the cracks for me was to be prepared to be alone.
Walking into campus after welcome week, I was not prepared for the many hours I would spend alone. In high school, we would be in class with people we’ve known forever, have lunch with them, do after-school clubs with them — we did it all in a group. But college is not like that. Here, we are pushed to study alone, walk to class alone, go to the dining hall alone, and so much more. And sure, you could do all these things with other people — you should — but do not let being alone stop you from the experiences you could gain solo.
In my first semester, I would only do things if my friends came with me. I would only go to clubs if one of them joined or never step into the dining hall if no one was coming with me, preferring to just binge snacks and instant noodles. Eventually, I started doing things myself because I had to (I was getting really bored of Kraft Mac and Cheese) and, eventually, because being with yourself should be fun.
This isn’t just for college freshmen who are just getting a taste of independence, realizing that it comes with a dose of loneliness. This is for everyone, because you should spend just as much time getting to know yourself as you do a friend or a partner. How do you know who you truly are if you don’t spend time with yourself doing things alone? And I am not just talking about watching your shows alone, studying alone, or even eating alone. I am talking about solo dates. How often do you take yourself on a coffee, dinner, or movie date? It is definitely hard at first, and I still struggle with it. But you must push through and remind yourself you are alone, not lonely. When you spend time alone, you get to know yourself more — your likes, dislikes, opinions, and perspectives without all the noise. You will start appreciating yourself more and can start building your confidence. And if you’re anything like me and have FOMO, spending time to yourself doing the things you like will help reduce that too.
When you build confidence and get comfortable with yourself, you gain the strength to leave that echo chamber. If you only surround yourself with people who think like you, you are not forming your own opinions, you’re just reinforcing existing ones. To break that, you need to make more friends and meet new people. That can be very scary, but it is easier when you are comfortable in your own skin.
You know what is also easier when you own your identity and can think for yourself? Finding people who like you for you. You deserve people who like and respect your individuality, even if they disagree with a few things here and there. How can you know when someone respects your identity? You’ll know when you know yourself and can respect and know who you are. In her book, Awakening: Ladies, Leadership, and the Lies We’ve Been Told, Areva Martin said, “a woman who knows what she brings to the table is not afraid to eat alone.”
So my parting remarks are to enjoy your company when you’re alone because you will always, always have yourself. Because this time, you simply must choose yourself.