As a college student, there’s an abundant amount of pressure behind doing everything and being everywhere to satisfy others.
Oftentimes, this entails passing all your classes with flying colors and attending every social event you’re invited to. Although there are benefits to saying “yes”, this can inevitably lead to experiencing burnout, anxiety, and a loss of your own personal happiness and peace. Learning how to tell people “no” through setting your own boundaries is a powerful skill that ensures your own time and energy is divided into things that truly align with your priorities and interests.
For those of you who may struggle with saying the word no, especially if your intention is to avoid being rude or shutting yourself out of possible opportunities, I’m here to confidently say as a previous people pleaser, setting this boundary shouldn’t be viewed as unkind: rather it should be treated as a way of protecting your mental health and creating space for things that matter to you!
One of the first steps to setting this boundary is through self reflection, identifying your own limitations. Your limits may look different than others’, and that’s perfectly okay. When you’re in a position of recognizing what you can and can’t handle, you’ll have a better understanding of the scenarios where you’ll need to say “no” to people.
Here are a few ways of saying no in an amicable way:
- Be kind and honest: While there’s no reason for you to over-explain why you’re saying “no” to someone, people will appreciate your honesty. A simple phrase such as “I would love to, but I have previous plans already” or even “I’m feeling a bit overwhelmed these days, I’m going to take some time for myself” are great ways to let people know how you’re feeling while staying true to the decisions you want to make for yourself.
- Offering alternatives: Not being able to go to a few events and invites doesn’t mean you can’t reschedule them sometimes! Don’t be discouraged to tell others “I won’t be able to tonight, but how about next week?”
- Practice saying “no”: If this is an unfamiliar situation for you, beginning with smaller decisions and slowly working your way up may be a better option for you. The more practice you have within your life the easier it will become and the sooner you’ll feel at peace with it.
- Make sure to not apologize: It’s understandable to feel guilty in a situation where you’re telling someone “no”. However there’s no reason for you to ever apologize excessively for a decision that will overall be for your own personal benefit.
Through setting these boundaries for yourself and your time, you can reduce your stress levels, become more confident in yourself and your decisions, and become more productive. When your calendar is full of things you are interested in and have the time to do, you’re way less likely to be anxious and stretched too thin.
Reminder! Saying no is not selfish, it’s an important part of self care that will ultimately benefit you as well as those who are around you. Through familiarizing yourself with this boundary, you will soon observe how your life transforms in positive ways as you maneuver through life and college!