I had this big idea for my next article: The beauty of talking things through.
As I stare at my screen, I’m almost at a loss of words for this article. My first draft was one that brought out a lot of thoughts and feelings. So I’ve decided to attempt to write it again, this time with some more honesty.
There is a beauty to talking things through and I am still learning about it.
Much like my last article about perfectionism, I am still going through the motions of learning about these things. Throughout my 18 years of life, it hasn’t been until the last four that I’ve realized why talking things through is so important.
Conversations don’t always have to be emotional; sometimes they can be the most tame you’ve ever had, like talking about your day with your best friend. However, they can be on the rougher side, like discussing mental health or having a spat with your partner. All conversations should be welcomed in your life. I say to welcome the hardest conversations with open arms. These conversations should be squeezed tightly. Both people should understand that it is for the betterment of each other’s relationships and lives. News flash: if the person you’re talking to doesn’t seem interested in that… it may be time to re-evaluate that relationship. No one should ever drop a bombshell during an important conversation that leaves you questioning after. It happened to me, and that feeling sucked.
When talking about things with your friends, partners, or parents, it’s important to remember that your intention should be to improve those relationships. Sometimes things need to come out, and that’s completely fine. My dad coined the phrase “let the bird out of the cage,” and that helped me with some of my worst moments in high school. Never let anything stay in your head for too long. When it stays in your head for too long it begins to becomes a bigger issue and for that reason, I will say:
“Let the bird out of the cage”
Letting the bird out of the cage is self explanatory. Sometimes I would imagine Tweety Bird stuck in his cage. He would be trying to escape, but unable to. My dad would then tell me those magic words, and I’d imagine him flying loose. This is a freeing feeling. Even though it scared me, I was able to let those twirling thoughts outside of my head. In those moments I would fly free and into the arms of my parents.
I think this is important because it shows the importance of opening up to someone you trust. In my case, I always like talking to my parents and my girlfriend about what’s going on. Sometimes if it feels bigger than the world, I’ll immediately go to my parents and know that they’ll be on my side. I know that some people don’t get the opportunity, but if you find your support system stick with them. It’s an important factor in talking things through.
After letting the bird out of the cage, I’d say to:
“Be a Goldfish”
My dad got this saying from one of our favorite TV shows, Ted Lasso. For those of you who haven’t watched, Ted Lasso follows a football coach from Kansas. Then he gets a job in London where he coaches the fictional soccer team, AFC Richmond. He has to come to terms with the fact that he isn’t as skilled in soccer. But, more than that, he learns how to break through and talk with his players. One episode, Sam Obisanya is struggling to fit in with the team after transferring. The other players bully him, and Sam doesn’t realize his true potential. Ted tells Sam that the happiest animal on the planet is a goldfish because of its ten second memory.
Now, after some research, I found that goldfish actually can remember things for longer than three seconds. Trust me, I was heartbroken finding out about it, but I won’t let this saying lose its meaning. Especially when it’s Ted Lasso saying it.
Ted is one of those characters that mastered the beauty of talking things out. He’s able to get through to people like Jamie Tart and Roy Kent. Although it takes some time, he still finds himself able to break through their barriers and understand them for who they truly are. I guess what I’m attempting to say is that it’s not so bad to be a Ted Lasso in your own life. He listens, he understands, and he’s able to offer advice from the deepest parts of himself.
I will always think it’s important to talk things through. Talking things through will become a big part of your life as you continue to learn and grow as a person. I would argue that even in business settings you’re going to have to learn to take people for who they are, and listen to what they have to say. Everyone has underlying feelings that we don’t even know the beginning of: reasons for how and why they act, reasons for being who they are. Sometimes it’ll be hard to talk things through and you won’t be able to see the beauty behind it. But, in the end, you’ll see that it was for the better.
Sometimes, you’ll chip things away and learn something new.
Sometimes, you won’t get that far into talking things through.
I get it, and I understand it. But I ask from the part of me that has learned so much in these four years, that you continue to talk things through even when things get hard. It’s so important to have that outlet and to have people who listen to you.
If that feels like too much, I will always recommend talking it through with a journal or even a Google Doc! There’s nothing wrong with beginning there… you’re still letting the bird out of the cage. I would argue it allows you to be a goldfish too.
Don’t be afraid of letting go and just talking. It will serve you in the end, and give you skills for the rest of your life.
I leave you with this quote from Ted Lasso:
“If you care about someone, and you got a little love in your heart, there ain’t nothing you can’t get through together” –Ted Lasso