The way we talk to ourselves makes a significant impact on our brains without even knowing it. Our social culture is filled with comparisons and critics of our lives, so much so that we tend to do it to ourselves quite often. Thus, shifting our minds through positive self-talk and assessment of our thoughts can provide immense relief as well as a more confident and grateful mindset. Here are a few ways I do that:
“I have to do this” versus “I get to do this”
As a college student, it’s easy to fall into the spiral of thinking about everything I need to accomplish not only in the moment but for my future self. It can be a habit to say “I have to do this assignment” or “I have to do laundry”, but when I started thinking about it as a privilege, over time I started to treat it as one. Looking outside of my world lens, I realized how wonderful it is to have access to good education and have the ability to engage in things I enjoy without fear, while also building community through them. This isn’t just about having the opportunity that others may not have, but it’s gratefulness for the day-to-day routine.
“I didn’t get this” versus “It wasn’t meant for me”
Failure is something many people struggle with, including myself. Everything that I tried out for or attempted, I expected to work out the way I imagined. Being in college opened my eyes to the fact that that simply does not happen all the time. I also accepted that rejection or failure is not inherently bad. The way I like to imagine it is as a learning experience and a chance to push myself to try new things. With that being said, I also sometimes saw how my rejection from one thing opened up space for things that I now am a part of and couldn’t imagine my life without. When I stopped focusing on the how and why, the what came naturally to me and I saw the potential in every outcome.
“I wasn’t invited” versus “My time is valuable”
Whether it’s a party or a study session, it can hurt to not be invited or included. Despite this, I would dwell on why I wasn’t wanted, even if the person who didn’t include me wasn’t a good person. I started to prioritize my time and presence and realized that pushing myself somewhere I’m not wanted would only hurt me and distract me from the spaces where I am wanted! It’s important to create that space for yourself too! Being somewhere I’m actively unwanted would only drain me and as hard as that is to accept, it’s necessary.
“I want to be” versus “I am”
The glow-up culture created this mindset that what we want to become is out of reach when really the person we want to be is the person we already are. Instead of imagining that the version of you exists outside of you, imagine it is a part of you just simply untapped. Think of it as a growing plant; the seed lives within you already. You just need to water it, nurture it and believe it can grow.
“There’s nothing I can do” versus “I can always try”
The intensity of the climate of the world is no stranger to our everyday life. We scroll, we absorb and we regurgitate information, sometimes unconsciously. What we fail to see is how it seeps into our everyday behavior and thinking. It can be easy to feel powerless as news piles on.
To everyone who reads this, please know there is always something to do, always something to share and that disempowerment of oneself can only be decided by YOU alone. Continue to fight for the things you’re passionate about and above all, speak kindly to yourself and love yourself through the big and small moments of life.