Edited by: Malavika Kishore
As kids, we are often advised to chase discomfort because it supposedly leads to growth. But what about when you are comforted? It’s quite paradoxical, because when you look at it, it is relief and comfort that unmasks pain and hurt. Let me explain it with an experience I had. When I came back from college for my end semester break, my mother booked a very unnecessary spa day (I thought so at that point, but heaven knew I needed it to stumble upon this revelation). I went reluctantly, because the thought of a stranger touching me quite frankly irks me. But as the spa went on and the masseuse (with her hands, which I believe were made of butter) worked her magic, tracing over my joints and bones, pressing and gliding in a way that kneaded away all the tension from my body, she hit this spot near my upper arm and in an instant, a powerful sensation took over me. I felt as if I just returned from war, a one-man army, battered and bruised and was now finally on her path to healing. She was unveiling wounds I never knew existed.
Now you must think, what is the contrast? Let me explain it further. Till the pain wasn’t tended to, there was no conscious awareness of it. The attentional shift to this seemingly dormant pain was triggered by someone identifying it. Not just that but also going the extra mile to try and comfort it. The funny thing about life is, we will come across many people who are able to identify our pain, and that is where they leave it lying. No care to tend to it or heal it. Some might even use it as a weapon or perhaps even add salt to the wound. But then you also meet people who very softly and calmly take the time to understand, soothe, rejuvenate and hopefully repair that part of you. These wounds can be in any form- lingering somewhere in your mental make up, trying to stay away from environments that can awaken them and bring them to your conscious awareness. But how long can you run away and how far? So now as an adult, I once again urge you to chase discomfort. Hippocrates very aptly said, “Healing is a matter of time, but it is sometimes also a matter of opportunity.” Find the opportunity. I’m not encouraging you to put yourself in situations where you self-inflict pain. What I’m implying is —don’t shy away from discomfort. Look at it as an opportunity, maybe it shakes your ground and leaves you on the bathroom floor bawling your eyes out, but it clears your vision.
Let’s take another example. There’s a girl- name her Katie. Katie has lived a good life, a sweet girl with a normal childhood. Suddenly while dating the man of her dreams (or so she thought), she’s made aware of the fact that she has “abandonment issues” and needs constant reassurance. But look at her luck, the love of her life, loves the silent treatment whenever something goes south. Any pinch of an undesirable feeling, and he leaves her in the dark for days on end. Months later when she’s healing and growing, she recalls a conversation with this long gone potential soulmate,
“Why do you act like this? Why do you fear that I’ll leave? Just wait, give me some space and leave me be. Who gave you abandonment issues?” (cue mocking laughter).
Much more self aware now that she’s lived through the ungodly phase of “moving on”, she understands that her “issues”, totally relevant to existence, were not created by him but were triggered and left to dry on a rainy day. What she needed was to address that pain, sit with it, embrace it, and console that hurt. And the bonus is, she never needed anyone else to do it. Just retrospective realisation is sufficient to soothe what she didn’t feel until she did. If she’d never been exposed to discomfort, she would have never addressed that such a wound ever existed and would have lived life in a way that always kept her world shaky and unstable.
So, ladies and gentlemen, the verdict is that discomfort indeed does lead to growth. Pain often is the unread message we are too scared to open. But when we finally do face it, we see that it was never the enemy, it was the guide. Accept the discomfort that life inevitably brings, it leads you to become even more you, even more beautiful and even more whole.