My time in college is coming to an end very soon — too soon. I have grown to love Florida State University (FSU). FSU was my last choice when I made my college application list. Then COVID-19 ruined my senior year of high school in 2020. I had only toured two college campuses at the time. One of them checked all of my boxes, except it was out-of-state, and I couldn’t afford to go. The other had zero appeal to me whatsoever.
I still vividly remember the day I committed to FSU. I was sat on my couch with my computer connected to the TV, watching a virtual tour of campus. FSU was far enough away where I could challenge myself to grow, while also having the safety net of being a four-hour drive from home. I finished the virtual tour, looked at my parents, and said, “Okay, this is it.” The war chant played in the background as I submitted my deposit.
I’ve spent the last two months freaking out about what life is going to look like after I walk that stage in December. I am truly terrified of what’s next. Growing up, we’re told we should be graduating college and already have a job lined up so that we can start our careers in the “real world” as soon as possible. I wish I had a job lined up. I wish I had plans in place for post-grad. But sometimes those plans are not realistic.
I thought graduating college meant you needed to have your crap together already, but it turns out, you don’t. As a perfectionist and planner, this has been a hard pill for me to swallow. It is so scary knowing this major life event is coming and not having a plan for what comes after it. I think about my future every single day. It never fails to send me spiraling.
I thought isolating myself and refusing to form meaningful relationships would make it easier for me to leave Tallahassee after graduation. I can’t believe I even thought about doing that. There is no reality in which I can imagine I don’t exist with the people I’ve met here in my time at FSU. If you’re taking the time to read this, each of you know who you are. You are loved more than you know, and you’ve made such a profound impact on my life!
I have places I’m not ready to walk out of for the last time, and people I’m not ready to say goodbye to. I don’t think anything will prepare me for the painful goodbyes I’m going to have to endure. But, amidst the multiple breakdowns and hundreds of job applications, I’m going to take this time to enjoy myself as much as possible.
Tomorrow is never promised, and the future is meant to be scary. You never know where life is going to take you. I do know, however, that I have the greatest support system in the world behind me, and they’re going to continue to help me navigate these pre-graduation scaries.
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