Dear Stranger,
I’ve been lost for a while.
I guess that’s a rather large claim to unload on you, but I’ve just started realizing it for myself. I didn’t realize it until this pandemic started, forcing me into isolation from everything I’d ever known or loved. Being in quarantine for so long made me look inwards, and it’s been a long process. To be perfectly honest, I’m not really sure who I am anymore. I don’t know what I’m passionate about or want to do with my life. It’s all just a big blur, and I feel like I can never quite get a moment of clarity.
I mean, without school, friends, and any other external force, I’m just me. Yet, I can’t seem to pinpoint who “me” is. I think before, I was so caught up in making myself out of everyone I loved that I forgot how to do that for myself? Like, what if everything that was good and fun about me was because of my friends or past partners? What if I am just a hollow shell, needing people to fill me up to give me an identity? I don’t know.
As things slowly return to normal, I find myself falling into the same habit of relying on those around me to maintain my happiness. I now recognize that this is somewhat healthy and great and beautiful. Yet, I’ve also made it a point to romanticize every part of my life. I go on long walks around campus, admiring the eucalyptus trees and cherry blossoms. I make my matcha lattes with little honey faces. I cook dinners for myself with music blasting in the background and a wine glass on the table. I’m starting to be okay with being alone.
If you’re going through the same thing, I want you to know you’re not the only one. I’m still figuring it out and I’m only 22. We both have so much time and so much life ahead of us; we can do it!
You’re doing great…no matter what. :)
Love,
Stranger
