If I am being honest, this new semester did not start off how I planned. I am feeling everything. There are so many new emotions that I am trying to battle and that’s okay. Something that always helps me process things like this, no matter how new or old the feelings are, is writing. I find writing my thoughts to be much easier than speaking them. The very beginning of my semester seemed to be going okay. The first couple days to a week I was still adjusting, but hopeful, and was looking forward to so many different aspects of the new semester, school wise and personal wise. However, then things started going south. I got super sick and had to go home for a week, some personal issues happened, and I got super behind on all of my classes. Everything I was looking forward to suddenly stopped. I don’t mean they went away, but I wasn’t feeling excited about them anymore. My world felt — and honestly still feels — numb. I wish I could say it is getting easier, but it isn’t. The best I can say is some days are better than others. Feelings are real, they are so very real and valid, and it is okay to feel them all. Here are a couple things I personally do when my world has gone numb.
Feel the Feelings, a.k.a cry
I used to say I was heartless and emotionless, and I didn’t cry much. But the truth is, I was just so guarded all the time. I hold so much love for those close to me and they have shown me it’s okay to let it out. Sometimes you just need a good cry. I have been doing that a lot lately, and although it sucks, I feel slightly better after. It’s not good to bottle those feelings up.Â
Leaning on my FriendsÂ
I have been leaning on my friends a lot. They have been nothing but supportive to me during this time. They suggest fun activities for us to do to get me off campus, they check in, and let me hang out when I don’t want to be alone. They make the days a bit easier, and I will always be grateful for that.
Music, headphones on 24/7
Music has always been my safe space. I love creating playlists for my moods and for others. Music makes me feel even when I don’t want to, and it keeps me grounded. Noah Kahan’s album has been on repeat, as well as a playlist I made for when I need some bad b**** energy. It really depends on my mood for which one you can find in my headphones.
Poetry, and Writing in General
The past year and half I have discovered a love for poetry. I have always loved writing and it has always been my dream to be an author, but now I think I could be, and want to be a poet too. I started writing more poetry and even started posting it. I have gotten some great feedback and that has been a good outlet for me. I also have been journaling and just writing my feelings down, which has I think been helping.Â
Overall, if you are in a similar place right now, I’m sorry. I see you, I hear you, and I am proud of you. Just keep taking it one day at a time, and know it’s okay to ask for help.