For some people, their freshman year of college is the best year of their life. For me, it was not. I quickly learned that college is not like it is in the movies. I didn’t go to class and instantly meet eight people that became my best friends for life. I didn’t have the perfect roommates who loved what I loved and hated what I hated. I didn’t go to every single sports game, decked out in my school’s colors. In fact, I only went to one football game.
What I did discover is that college is hard for a lot of people. For me, going to college felt like every part of my identity was ripped away. It was like the first day of kindergarten all over again, just without the naive and hopeful spirit. I didn’t know anybody, I didn’t want to make the wrong impression, I was suddenly very aware of every move I made, and I didn’t even get to go home at the end of the day. I felt like the outcast of all outcasts. You’re probably wondering how I went from that dreadful place to where I am now. I’ll tell you – it was no easy task.
For the majority of my freshman year, I essentially worked to construct a new identity for myself. If you knew the high school version of me, you certainly didn’t know the college version of me. I felt this pressure to disconnect from the person I was in hopes of keeping my two lives separate. There was the me who went home every other weekend, hung out with her best friends, and went to the high school football games, and there was the me that went to class, came back to her (very broken) dorm room, and took several naps a day. I felt I needed to keep my true identity under lock and key because that version of myself was only for my closest friends and family to see. I often felt incredible guilt for opening up to others because I felt like I was betraying the close friends I already had. In my mind, I didn’t need anyone else. After a while, however, this lifestyle became exhausting and lonely. I couldn’t keep up with living a double life, so I decided to make a change.
The moment where everything in my life changed was when I allowed myself to embrace the college experience. After doing so, I have given myself the opportunity to make lasting friendships. There is this stigma around college friendships that indicates that you should have a big group of friends who do everything together. Personally, that’s just not the kind of environment I like to be in, but it’s easy to feel like you’re ‘falling behind’ in some way when those aren’t the types of friendships you’re forming. I have made some amazing connections while being at school, and each person I have met has peeled back another layer and unlocked another part of me that I was too scared to give away. It’s okay to keep your circle small (Quality > Quantity).
By opening myself up, I have rediscovered my passions and even discovered new ones. I have joined organizations on campus that I truly enjoy and have made sure that I don’t over involve myself to a point of stress. When joining organizations, it’s important to make sure everything feels like an activity, not a chore. In doing so, you will find things to look forward to each week and will be overjoyed with your active schedule. On the other hand, it’s also completely okay to not join anything your first year. In my freshman year, I joined one club. I needed that time to allow myself to adjust, and I am so glad I made that decision because otherwise, I would not have been giving 100% to any part of my life.
College can be hard, and it’s okay to struggle. I would not have been able to make the progress I have with my mindset if I hadn’t gone to therapy and reached out to my loved ones for support. It is important to remember that this is a big life change. It is not going to be easy. You are most likely going to have a different experience than the other people around you, and you are most certainly going to have a different experience than the people in the movies. During this time, focus on what makes you happy. This is the time to be selfish and do what you need to do for yourself. Give yourself grace during this time, stay true to yourself, and don’t be afraid to ask for help.
PS: Rachel Lamb, thank you for guiding me through and sticking by my side for the messiest freshman year in the history of freshman years. You’re the best roommate and best friend ever. I don’t know what I’d do without you.
HCXO, Lydia