When we were kids, we’ve always been told not to be selfish. Whether it was by our parents, our teachers, or our coaches, we were taught that being selfish was a bad thing.
We grew up valuing selflessness. We heard stories about firefighters being selfless and running into burning buildings, risking their lives to save others. We praised people for helping elders cross the street, or volunteering at the local soup kitchen in their free time.
Now, we are expected to work selflessness into our daily lives.
“Can you edit this paper I have due this Friday?” I also have some assignments due this Friday, but I should help out a friend.
“Sure thing!”
“Can I FaceTime you? I can’t decide what outfit to wear on my date tonight?” I’m in the middle of something important, but I don’t want to say no.
“Of course!”
“Can you help me move some stuff into my new apartment this weekend?” I’ve had the longest week and I was really looking forward to just resting this weekend, but I feel awkward telling the truth.
“Yeah, definitely.”
If we keep saying “yes” to people when our bodies keep saying “no” to us, we will eventually push ourselves beyond the point of no return. We cannot expect ourselves to run on fumes forever; thus, we have to take time for ourselves to recharge so that we can keep showing up for the other people in our lives.
That’s where the term “selfmore” comes into play.
“Selfmore” is the space between selfish and selfless. It’s when you take a bit more time for yourself and for self care so that eventually, you can be more selfless. Therefore, normalize saying “no” so that later on, you can start saying “yes” again more sincerely.
For example, maybe you can say “yes” to editing a friend’s paper and helping them pick out an outfit over FaceTime because those two favors won’t take up much of your time or energy, but you can start saying “no” to favors like helping a friend move into their new apartment. Instead, you can ask if someone else is free to help, or offer another time you’d be more up for offering a hand.
With today’s “grind culture,” there’s a lot of shame associated with saying “no” to others and opportunities, but we have to remember that you cannot help others if you do not help yourself first. Therefore, find that place between selfish and selfless and put yourself first more.