It is a time of tremendous change, and while it can be the thrill of a lifetime, it can also be overwhelming or even lonely at times. Don’t worry if you sometimes feel down on yourself- it happens to the best of us. Sometimes with roommate or friend drama, relationship problems, homesickness, mental health problems, or just the normal ups and downs of life, it can be easy to lose your confidence and get down in the dumps. Those feelings are valid- it is important to let yourself experience the whole spectrum of emotions, and we don’t need to put on a happy face immediately or ignore the causes of our sadness. However, when negative thoughts become a habit or begin to tear you down, here are some healthy, positive things to remember to tell yourself.
About your body:
1. Everyone’s weight fluctuates a little, and that’s perfectly okay! A few pounds is not the end of the world, and if I want to lose it, I can easily do it in a healthy way.
2. My body is strong, and it can do amazing things.
3. I share physical traits with my mom/sister/brother/dad, who I love.
4. I am beautifully unique.
5. I love being short because I can wear awesome heels and still not tower over people.
6. I love being tall because I can look guys in the eye and reach things up high.
7. My body is constantly repairing itself, growing, getting stronger, fighting off diseases, turning food into energy, and allowing me to walk/run/dance/swim/sleep/play instruments, etc. That’s really freaking cool!
8. My body is one of God’s/nature’s works of art.
About your mind
1. Having trouble does not make me stupid. Having trouble means that I am at least making an effort.
2. I am hardworking and determined, and I care about my education and my future.
3. Even if I struggle in (insert subject), other subjects come very naturally to me because everyone has different strengths.
4. A mental health problem does not define me. It makes me stronger and gives me a unique perspective on life. Everyone has their limitations, and I don’t need to feel ashamed of mine.
5. A learning disability does not make me stupid. I have a challenge, but school is only temporary. I will soon graduate and enter the workforce and/or start a family, and this won’t matter anymore! In the meantime, I will enjoy my time in college, work hard to learn, and I will not be afraid or ashamed to ask for the help that I need to succeed.
6. My mind thinks amazing thoughts! I am creative, intelligent, and have valid emotions and opinions.
7. My friends and family love me for the way I think.
8. My mind got me into college!
About relationships
1. College is a time of change and growth. If I have become more distant from this particular person, it is because we have grown and changed in different ways, and it doesn’t mean anything bad about me or them.
2. I am grateful for the time I had being close to this person. This chapter has ended or changed, but that doesn’t give me a reason to have hard feelings toward them. They gave me a beautiful friendship/romantic relationship.
3. Relationships are about two people coming together, each with their own strengths and weaknesses and contributions and needs. It is okay to tell my partner when I need some emotional support from them, and I will support them as well.
4. Bearing #4 in mind, I will not lean exclusively on my boyfriend/girlfriend when I need support.
5. It is okay to not be in a relationship. I will enjoy the freedom and independence of being single and focus on myself, my education, my passions, and my friends.
6. The fact that they cheated on me does not mean that I am somehow worse or less attractive than the other person. It means that there was a problem in our relationship, and my partner didn’t have the good sense to address the problem or break up with me before taking action with someone else. If my partner is with that other person now, that relationship won’t be perfect either, because no relationship is.
7. Ending that relationship was the right thing for both of us, even if it hurts right now.
About working through emotions
1. It is okay to be sad sometimes. It doesn’t mean that I’m a negative person or a party pooper.
2. It’s okay to cry. Crying is healthy, and I will feel better if I let it out, than if I bottle it all in.
3. I will be mature enough not to wallow in negativity. I will let myself truly feel, and I will work through what I need to work through, but ultimately I will pick myself up and move on because wallowing won’t help anything.
4. I have lots of things to be thankful for.
5. I have people that love me, even if I am feeling lonely right now.
6. I can turn this overwhelming emotion into beautiful writing or art.
7. There’s probably some really awesome music on Spotify that matches my mood right now.
8. I am a strong person. I have survived and thrived through difficulty before, and I will survive and thrive through this.
About change
1. It is okay to become a little distant from my parents. We still love each other even if our relationship is changing.
2. It is okay to decide that I no longer believe something I was taught growing up. I am an independent thinker.
3. It is fun to try new things! Even if you aren’t good at it, it’ll be a good experience!
4. Questioning my faith is a natural part of growing up, and it doesn’t mean that I’m rejecting religion. Critical thinking can bring me closer to God or closer in an understanding of what I truly believe in.
5. Deciding that I want to change my major does not mean that I’m not committed, it just means that I’ve discovered a passion or changed my priorities.
6. Change might be scary, but change is an exciting part of life!
7. I was scared of starting college/moving/getting a drastic haircut/etc. Look how I got through that! I can get through this change too.
8. Life is a beautiful journey that I cannot predict, but I will savor every positive moment and appreciate my self-growth. Taking care of emotional health is something that many of us neglect during college-hecticness, but internalizing some positive, healthy thinking is a great way to improve your outlook on life and to stay strong, happy, and clear-headed. Have a wonderful day, and always remember that you are capable of amazing things!