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Ryan Joseph

More by Ryan Joseph

Real Live College Guy Ryan: How Do I Know If My Hook-up Wants to See Me Again?

5/19/2013

Need Dr. Drew relationship advice but don’t have the sensationalistic drama to warrant TV time? Unfortunately, Real Live College Guy Ryan isn’t a reality show therapist. However, he can provide the lowdown on everything you’ve ever wanted to know about college males: how they think, act, speak and genuinely interact with the women in their lives.

I was set up with a date for formal and we really hit it off. The next night I saw him at a frat party and we danced together and I ended up hooking up with him (making out, not sex) and spent the night spooning with him. Which was all fine and fabulous, but when I left I hugged him, he kissed me, and then said, "I'll see you around." Does this mean that he actually wants to see me or wants to return to our previous anonymity? Because I figured with all the cuddling (we both woke up at least an hour before I had to leave and just cuddled some more, he didn't kick me out or anything) and the kiss when I left means that he's interested or would like to repeat the night, but I just don't know how to interpret what he said – Hooked on Language at LSU

According to the be-all, end-all source of information, Wikipedia, “I’ll see you around” is an example of a “parting phrase.” Other parting phrases include—but are not limited to—“take it easy,” “toodles,” and my personal favorite, “deuces.” He could’ve used any of the aforementioned four (or any other colloquialism) and still meant the same thing: bye.

Does he want to see you again? Probably. But you’re not going to determine if your cuddle session was just a one-night thing by deciphering his linguistic options when bidding you adieu. You just won’t.

Real Live College Guy Ryan: How to Start Being Friends With Your Ex Again

5/4/2013

 Need Dr. Drew relationship advice but don’t have the sensationalistic drama to warrant TV time? Unfortunately, Real Live College Guy Ryan isn’t a reality show therapist. However, he can provide the lowdown on everything you’ve ever wanted to know about college males: how they think, act, speak and genuinely interact with the women in their lives.
 
After my ex broke up with me, we both agreed it would be best if we didn't speak for a while. It's been about eight months now, and I definitely feel ready to talk to him. I'd love to be his friend again, but I'm not sure how to approach him without giving off vibes that I want him back.— Over It at Oberlin

Real Live College Guy Ryan: How to Get Closure with Your Ex Before You Graduate

5/2/2013

Need Dr. Drew relationship advice but don’t have the sensationalistic drama to warrant TV time? Unfortunately, Real Live College Guy Ryan isn’t a reality show therapist. However, he can provide the lowdown on everything you’ve ever wanted to know about college males: how they think, act, speak and genuinely interact with the women in their lives.

I'm graduating and would love to talk to my on-again-off-again boyfriend of four years one last time before we both enter the real world (and move to different coasts). The last time we spoke, he told me that it hurts too much to talk to me and asked me not to contact him. That was about six months ago. Is it inappropriate to say "I'd love to see you before we graduate. Can we get coffee?" - Looking for Closure at Lehigh

Nah, of course it isn’t inappropriate. Depending on what sort of closure you’re looking for, it’d actually be great. Although his definition of closure is wallowing in some sort of Edgar Allan Poe graveyard of memories and woe, yours—seeing him one last time—is actually reasonable.

This isn’t to say that he’ll actually respond. If he’s still in some Golem-esque cave, then he might not come out for coffee. But it’s worth the try. Keep your reaching out to a text. Make it short, sweet and simple and just say you’d like to meet for coffee.

However, don’t say that you’d like to see him “one last time” or something similar. If he’s going to even consider meeting you, qualifying your rendezvous as a last-time venture will only scare him more. Just say that you’d like to see him and would enjoy if he accompanied you for a cup of Joe (whether it’s your morning injection or an afternoon pick-me-up doesn’t really matter).
 

Real Live College Guy Ryan: How Do You Talk to Your Guy About Your Lack of Experience?

5/1/2013

Need Dr. Drew relationship advice but don’t have the sensationalistic drama to warrant TV time? Unfortunately, Real Live College Guy Ryan isn’t a reality show therapist. However, he can provide the lowdown on everything you’ve ever wanted to know about college males: how they think, act, speak and genuinely interact with the women in their lives.

The guy I just started dating is much more sexually experienced than I am. He doesn't make a big deal of it, but it makes me feel very nervous and self-conscious. How can I talk about this with him? - Uneasy at UF

For starters, don’t position the eventual conversation like a teaching moment—even if it is. You both consciously (or subconsciously) realize there’s a difference in performance, so be cool about it. If he’s stuck around this long, it probably isn’t something to freak out about.

However, ask him about his preferences and what really gets him going. This question will accomplish a few things: it’ll show that you want to perform well when hooking up and it will also allow you to pick up a few pointers. Key in on his favorite positions, what his turn-offs are and techniques that arouse him. Does he prefer you on top or on the bottom? Should you move a particular way? There are countless discussion points you could ask him, but that’s up to you. Obviously, I know nothing of your sex life outside of this question.

Real Live College Guy Ryan: How to Fix a Friendship After Hooking Up With Your Guy Friend

4/13/2013

Need Dr. Drew relationship advice but don’t have the sensationalistic drama to warrant TV time? Unfortunately, Real Live College Guy Ryan isn’t a reality show therapist. However, he can provide the lowdown on everything you’ve ever wanted to know about college males: how they think, act, speak and genuinely interact with the women in their lives.
 
I began hooking up with one of my best guy friends and then, all of a sudden, he stopped speaking to me. I've run into him a few times, but I feel so awkward that I haven't even approached it. If he were some random guy, I'd be over it by now, but it's my best friend. How can I approach the situation when he doesn't want to speak to me? — Friendship Gone Wrong at Florida State

Real Live College Guy Ryan: When His Ex-GF is Too Close for Comfort??

2/9/2013

Need Dr. Drew relationship advice but don’t have the sensationalistic drama to warrant TV time? Unfortunately, Real Live College Guy Ryan isn’t a reality show therapist. However, he can provide the lowdown on everything you’ve ever wanted to know about college males: how they think, act, speak and genuinely interact with the women in their lives.

My boyfriend and his ex are still friends. I know he's over her, but I'm not so sure about her. Their close relationship makes me feel really insecure. How can I approach him without seeming crazy? - New Girlfriend at Northeastern
 

Real Live College Guy Ryan: How to Make Long-Distance Official

2/2/2013

Need Dr. Drew relationship advice but don’t have the sensationalistic drama to warrant TV time? Unfortunately, Real Live College Guy Ryan isn’t a reality show therapist. However, he can provide the lowdown on everything you’ve ever wanted to know about college males: how they think, act, speak and genuinely interact with the women in their lives.

Because we live in different states, I don't get to see the guy I like very often. When we do see each other, we hook up, stay up talking all night, and I laugh harder than I've ever laughed. We have a really strong bond, but, obviously, distance is a factor. How can I approach a long-distance relationship?— Far Away in Florida State
 
Judge his enthusiasm towards dating. If you stay up all night to talk, dating has probably been brought up once or twice. So mention it the next time you talk over the phone: “what about if we transitioned our relationship from sporadic to permanent?”
 

Real Live College Guy Ryan: Why He's Keeping Your Hook-Up A Secret

1/28/2013

Need Dr. Drew relationship advice but don’t have the sensationalistic drama to warrant TV time? Unfortunately, Real Live College Guy Ryan isn’t a reality show therapist. However, he can provide the lowdown on everything you’ve ever wanted to know about college males: how they think, act, speak and genuinely interact with the women in their lives.

An older guy and I have been hooking up for awhile, but he ignores me when he sees me in public and refuses to tell anyone about our relationship. Normally I'd break it off, but he explained that he has to do this because his ex still has feelings for him and would go crazy if she knew about us. Do you think this is legitimate excuse or is he just playing me? - Keeping a Secret at Kean
 

Real Live College Guy Ryan: Why He Won't Take It to the Next Level

1/28/2013

Need Dr. Drew relationship advice but don’t have the sensationalistic drama to warrant TV time? Unfortunately, Real Live College Guy Ryan isn’t a reality show therapist. However, he can provide the lowdown on everything you’ve ever wanted to know about college males: how they think, act, speak and genuinely interact with the women in their lives.

There's a guy I really like and we're basically dating... but only emotionally. We call each other all the time, he tells me things he's "never told anyone else" and I'm always the first person he goes to when he has a problem. It's not that I don't think girls and guys can be friends, but I do think there's a spark. How do I ask him without ruining our strong bond? I feel like we already have the emotional part of dating down, so why wouldn't he want to take it to the next level? — Not Your Therapist in North Carolina

That’s the first time I’ve ever heard someone qualify “dating” with something other than “we are” or “we are not.” Before going any further, let’s call this for what it is: you guys get along really well and hang out a lot. However, you want something physical to happen in order to reinforce your whole concept of dating.

The simplest route (without actually chatting) is just jumping this guy’s bones. Make a move on him and judge his reaction. You’ll definitely determine right then and there whether a relationship will work or if he’s trying to play the gay best friend.

Real Live College Guy Ryan: What It Means When He “Wants to Do His Own Thing”

1/24/2013

Need Dr. Drew relationship advice but don’t have the sensationalistic drama to warrant TV time? Unfortunately, Real Live College Guy Ryan isn’t a reality show therapist. However, he can provide the lowdown on everything you’ve ever wanted to know about college males: how they think, act, speak and genuinely interact with the women in their lives.

My (now ex-) boyfriend is graduating this spring while I still have two years of school left. He says he still loves me, he still wants to be friends (maybe even more), but he doesn't want to date me because he wants to do "his own thing his last semester," which he swears doesn't include dating other girls. We dated for over a year and this came really out of the blue. Should I hold out hope that he'll want me to be his girlfriend again, or should I just move on? — Waiting at Wake Forest
 

No man has ever said, “I want to do my own thing,” and not implied that he’ll be doing whatever he damn well pleases.

It’d be understandable if he were a Wall Street intern working 100-hour weeks. However, I’m going to assume his spring won’t consist of market analysis, but will instead include waking up at noon to start day drinking. Don’t be too confident that he wants to date any time soon.

It’s a very passive-aggressive form of breaking up. It sucks and it’s regrettable that he couldn’t be upfront about what he wanted. He probably felt tied down for the year that you dated and wants to just be (for lack of a better word) “free.”