Need Dr. Drew relationship advice but don’t have the sensationalistic drama to warrant TV time? Unfortunately, Real Live College Guy Ryan isn’t a reality show therapist. However, he can provide the lowdown on everything you’ve ever wanted to know about college males: how they think, act, speak and genuinely interact with the women in their lives.
After my ex broke up with me, we both agreed it would be best if we didn’t speak for a while. It’s been about eight months now, and I definitely feel ready to talk to him. I’d love to be his friend again, but I’m not sure how to approach him without giving off vibes that I want him back.— Over It at Oberlin
As I write this column, it’s Easter Sunday. Thus, the idea of things rising again (your friendship with your ex; that Jesus Christ guy) is salient. Because of Her Campus’s diverse readership, I won’t use the story of Jesus’s resurrection to help you approach your ex (the two things are only loosely correlated), but let’s give your dormant friendship an electric shock.
To prevent thrown vibes, remain casual and non-suggestive. Send him a Facebook message or a quick text to catch up or, better yet, try to strike up small talk if you see him in person.
But keep it to small talk. Sure, you feel confident enough to start a friendship again and you might have even missed him, but don’t show your hand. Keep all conversation informal and non-suggestive, and hold off on the eyelash batting, arm touching and space invading.
Build the friendship from there. If you hang out (for whatever reason), make sure you’re in a group or at a random, large party. Any time you intimate getting together with few or no friends, well, it’s going to suggest a date or something more.
He might infer a certain vibe from any interaction, but that shouldn’t be a concern. After all, you haven’t spoken for eight months. It’s hard to imagine a spark when there hasn’t been one for a while.