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Sex + Relationships

Real Live College Guy Ryan: Why He’s Keeping Your Hook-Up A Secret

Need Dr. Drew relationship advice but don’t have the sensationalistic drama to warrant TV time? Unfortunately, Real Live College Guy Ryan isn’t a reality show therapist. However, he can provide the lowdown on everything you’ve ever wanted to know about college males: how they think, act, speak and genuinely interact with the women in their lives.

An older guy and I have been hooking up for awhile, but he ignores me when he sees me in public and refuses to tell anyone about our relationship. Normally I’d break it off, but he explained that he has to do this because his ex still has feelings for him and would go crazy if she knew about us. Do you think this is legitimate excuse or is he just playing me? – Keeping a Secret at Kean

There’s the chance it might not even be an excuse—it’s a worthwhile reason. If you’re just hooking up and not dating, keeping it hush-hush is in his best interest if he’s worried his ex-girlfriend might go gorillas.
Although, it makes you wonder: why does he care? If he is truly over her, he shouldn’t fear the repercussions. Also, sorry for the bubble bursting, but if he thought more of the hooking up, it wouldn’t be a big deal if people knew. Not that guys always wear hook-ups on their sleeves, but it’s typically a “yeah, it happened, so what?” kind of deal.
I’d say that you might be getting played, however, you’re not getting played solely because he wants to sex and bolt. He might still have feelings for his ex, which explains why he doesn’t want the entire campus to know about your relations.
The better question is, what do you want? Do you want to continue hooking up or would you like to see it evolve into a relationship?
If it’s the former, then the secretive hooking up could still work. However, if you’re wanting a relationship, I’d ditch the guy as quickly as possible. Nothing good comes with a potentially crazy ex-girlfriend and hiding your actions.

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Ryan Joseph is fancy. However, besides being fancy, he is also a) a college senior b) a journalism major and c) a student at the E.W. Scripps School of Journalism at Ohio University. He's a Bobcat, not a Buckeye (although he will always be a Buckeye at heart). A Columbus, Ohio, native, he's a diehard music and Cleveland sports fan--don't judge him based upon the latter. He is a frequent contributor to Hip-Hop website, The Smoking Section, and Ohio University campus magazine, Backdrop, but has also been an ASME 2011 intern with Field & Stream Magazine in New York City.
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