Tired of dating apps? You’re not alone. ICYMI, many Gen Z singles are stepping away from the apps and looking for IRL connections. But no — they’re not striking up a conversation with a cutie at a bar or nervously approaching the barista at their favorite coffee shop. Instead, they’re going out, putting on their biggest and brightest smiles, and “SABSing.”
If you’re unfamiliar, SABS stands for “see and be seen” — and the act of SABSing involves hanging out in busy, public spaces and acting with open and approachable body language. Why? Well, to singles, SABSing encourages others to approach them — and, in turn, paves the way for spontaneous, real-life connections. And, fun fact, SABSing was coined by a college student: In 2024, Natalia Castillo — the editor-in-chief of the University of Pennsylvania’s student publication, 34th Street Magazine — used the term to describe the act of lingering in public spaces to invite IRL interactions.
And, according to relationship experts, the “benefits” of SABSing aren’t total myths… though there are some caveats — including the fact that it can be pretty performative. Oof.
SABSing, at its core, is harmless. For the most part, it’s just folks showing up in public with a positive attitude, and a willingness to connect to others. And, for burnt-out singles who are done with dating apps (or so they say), it’s a great start when it comes to making connections IRL. “Dating apps have made dating efficient, but having a felt sense of connection with someone in the room is still important,” says Julie Nguyen, certified dating coach at Hily Dating App. There are things you can pick up in person: their energy, how they speak to people, and how they move around a room.
And, when you’re meeting someone out in the wild, as opposed to swiping on their Hinge profile, it allows daters to feel a spark — or not — through genuine face-to-face communication, not just text messages. “There are things you can pick up in person,” Nguyen says, “like their energy, how they speak to people, and how they move around a room.”
But while SABSing can seem genuine, in some cases, it can be a huge red flag. “On the outside, SABSing may look like a good way to meet a romantic partner, but it’s really more an ego-feed than an actual strategy,” says sex and relationships therapist Dr. Karen Stewart, PsyD. “SABSing turns dating into a performance where being ‘seen’ and looking desirable can be more rewarding than actually building intimacy with someone.”
Of course, showing up to a public spot with a good attitude isn’t inherently manipulative. However, if you’re showing up to a space with the intention of putting on an act, or wanting to be perceived in a way that’s not genuine to you, that’s when problems can arise. “SABSing can be quite performative and manipulative when it’s focused more on the ‘look at me’ than on actually finding someone you’re attracted to and investing in getting to know them,” Stewart says. “The danger in this style of dating is it replaces the act of creating genuine connections with external validation that can be fleeting.”
I think we often underestimate how much our life can expand when we start to build community and make an effort to be intentional about how we are engaging with the world around us.
Julie Nguyen
Nguyen agrees. “If you’re at a coffee shop only reading a book that you think someone would find interesting for you to read, or ordering a drink that you wouldn’t get for yourself, then you’re trying to optimize SABSing into a dating strategy, which can feel stressful,” she says. “The point is increasing your surface area in your life to find more connection, not turning everything into an audition.”
So, how do you show up authentically, but still let others know you’re open to connection? Instead of going to a space where you think you’ll find a perspective partner, try exploring places that align with your interests, hobbies, and passions. “Become a regular in your coffee shop. Take classes you’re interested in. Go to your friend’s birthday party even if you don’t know anyone. Volunteer or join a new running club in your area,” Nguyen suggests. “I think we often underestimate how much our life can expand when we start to build community and make an effort to be intentional about how we are engaging with the world around us.”
And, when someone does catch your eye, don’t wait for them to approach you — just go for it. “Rather than performing to attempt to get their attention, do the unthinkable: approach them,” Stewart says. “Breaking the ice is a much better way to meet someone than performing and capturing the attention of everyone, which doesn’t really tell the one you want to meet that it was them you were actually performing for.”