TikTok is full of unhinged dating trends and hacks — and now, “Shrekking” has entered the chat. While it sounds about as harmless and innocent as the Dreamworks classic movie, I can assure you, the Shrekking mindset isn’t exactly the best mode to be in when it comes to dating.
We’ve all seen the movie Shrek at this point, right? If not, I’ll give you the debrief: Basically, Shrek revolves around a big, green ogre (named Shrek, obvi) who lives as a recluse in his swamp. However, his mean exterior starts to crack when he rescues and eventually falls for a beautiful princess named Fiona, who — spoiler! — is also an ogre when the sun goes down. And although Fiona isn’t particularly attracted to his exterior, she takes a chance on Shrek — and as it turns out, he’s actually, like, super cool and loving. Go off.
Now, in 2025, daters are taking the premise of the beloved film and bringing it into their dating lives, for better or for worse. So, if you’ve also seen the term Shrekking on your FYP (or have a single bestie who is considering trying it) and are confused about what it means, you’ve come to the right place — here’s what you need to know about Shrekking, including what the experts think.
What is Shrekking in dating?
Shrekking basically involves dating someone you’re not physically attracted to in the hopes that they will treat you well in return — which, IMO, is kind of f*cked up. But it doesn’t come down to just the physical: The Shrekking method requires you to lower your standards entirely to give someone a chance because, hopefully, they’ll know you’re the prize in the relationship and, in turn, will be less likely to fumble.
It’s not just me who doesn’t like this dating trend. Emily Thompson, relationship expert and sociologist at Positives Dating, agrees. “While attraction in itself is not everything, at least some natural chemistry and respect for one another are required for any relationship to succeed in the long term,” she tells Her Campus. “If someone goes out because they feel like they are ‘settling’ or being strategic rather than [pursuing] a genuine connection, then it usually leads to frustration or disappointment, since expectations don’t align with reality.”
Thompson also says that dating trends like Shrekking aren’t just harmful to your love life; they can impact dating culture as a whole. “[These trends] show how much pressure modern dating culture puts on people to find ‘hacks’ or shortcuts to love, but real connection doesn’t come from shortcuts,” she says. “The healthiest relationships grow from self-awareness and a willingness to be vulnerable and intentional, even if that takes time. Rather than obsessing over external trends, I’d like daters, especially younger daters, to trust in the understanding of what they actually want and what they can bring to a relationship.”
It’s not all doom and gloom, though. “There are a few potential benefits to Shrekking, such as exposing oneself to individuals one might not have otherwise thought about and resisting shallow dating standards,” Thompson says. “Sometimes, people do actually find true connection and attraction over time, and that can lead to fabulously good relationships.”
That said, you don’t need to lower your standards in hopes that you’ll get some kind of return on it. “Stop seeing dating as a game of strategy and start focusing on emotional compatibility and shared values,” Thompson says. “Attraction is important, but shared vision, respect, and emotional safety are what make a relationship thrive in the long term.”
She also adds, “Instead of trying to forecast the future or follow trends, pay attention to your dating choices, know your non-negotiables, communicate your expectations clearly, and do not ignore red flags, no matter how charming a person is at first. Authenticity is the greatest filter for locating the ideal partner.”
Period. So long, Shrek.