Girlhood is beautiful; it’s spending time laughing with roommates when you should be studying, putting bows on random things, and partaking in excessive skincare routines. Unfortunately, it’s also living up to society’s standards for women, like editing our pictures to the point of no return. But with editing your features to the verge of catfishing comes the exact opposite: reverse catfishing.
Reverse catfishing is essentially when people use their most casual photos on dating apps to attract people who are interested in their personalities rather than purely looks. It’s like the “make Instagram casual again” trend, but to the extreme.
It might seem a little unconventional because the whole point of dating apps is to match with people you’re attracted to. However, according to Bumble, more than half of single people say that photos that reveal a skill for an interesting sport or activity would prompt them to strike up a conversation. In comparison, some of the least popular things to feature in profile photos are gym selfies and pouty expressions. So, maybe this reverse catfish trend shouldn’t be so surprising at all, maybe it’s a way of escaping the societal standard of looking perfect all the time.
I spoke with three experts — Ronald Hoang, Deon Black, and Michael Laauwe — to learn about whether reverse catfishing actually works, and here’s what I learned.
The catch to reverse catfishing is the level of casualness.
The whole reason why people use reverse catfishing is to appear more casual in hopes of avoiding matching with people who are swiping purely because of looks. “People reverse catfish in order to lower expectations,” says Ronald Hoang, the owner of Ronald Hoang Marriage Counseling & Family Therapy. “By lowering expectations they can potentially increase satisfaction and avoid disappointment of unmet expectations that may have been set by presenting themselves overly favorably.”
Reverse catfishing can work in different ways, for example, it can “weed out superficial daters who are only interested in appearances and not personality or character traits,” says Deon Black, a sex educator and dating coach. However, relationship experts like Black don’t think this should be your go-to method on dating apps.
For Black, the reasoning is because “there’s a fine line between casual and careless.” If the whole point of dating apps is to be your real authentic self, then maybe completely dressing down isn’t the way to do it; your authentic self is probably somewhere in the middle of completely dressing up or being extremely casual.
Reverse catfishing is basically another form of misrepresentation.
We already know how catfishing misrepresents who you are — no one can have their makeup look that perfect every single day. Reverse catfishing might seem like the toned-down version of catfishing, but the two techniques have the same problems.
“I cannot endorse reverse catfishing, as any deliberate misrepresentation ultimately erodes trust,” says Michael Laauwe, the founder of Positive Mind Thinking. “Authenticity is important in forging genuine connections. However, the motivation behind it — prioritizing substantive compatibility over superficial judgments — is understandable.”
Basically, reverse catfishing works by underselling yourself, and that’s a form of deception. Anytime you start off a relationship with some sort of lie, you’re setting the relationship up for failure.
Dating culture is rough, and apps definitely seem like a world of judgment, especially while in college. It might seem like the best way to avoid being criticized for looks is by purposely altering your appearance in a negative way so you ensure that you look better in real life. However, this won’t really fix anything.
“Ultimately, reducing judgment in online dating requires an evolving culture, not just individual tactics,” Laauwe says. “Promoting more inclusive mindsets around attraction alongside authentic portrayal from all members would better achieve the belonging people seek through both casual and substantive connections.”
Dating apps are weirdly complex when they shouldn’t have to be, but that isn’t on you to fix. Nobody should have to make themselves look extremely attractive or extremely unattractive in order to find a match — so let’s all say “yes” to making dating apps casual, but “no” to purposely selling ourselves short.