Conversations surrounding porn and what ethical porn even is are frequent in news cycles and often divisive in nature. Most recently, Billie Eilish brought the topic to mainstream pop culture again when she shared her personal story about consuming adult content too young in a December 2021 interview with Howard Stern. Eilish even called porn “a disgrace” and said, “I’m so angry that porn is so loved, and I’m so angry at myself for thinking that it was okay.” She further explained how the unrealistic bodies and dynamics she saw onscreen defined her first sexual experiences. “The first few times I, you know, had sex, I was not saying no to things that were not good,” she says. “It was because I thought that’s what I was supposed to be attracted to.” With such harmful effects, how can women feel safe consuming porn?
Even the Supreme Court of the United States has had trouble defining porn, or where the boundary of acceptability lies. Justice Stewart in the 1964 case Jacobellis v. Ohio simply noted, “I know it when I see it.” This was his personal test for detecting obscenity, despite the Roth test, which has a five-part structure involving community standards, reasonable perspectives, and more, which precedent in the 1957 case Roth v. United States. So if “porn” in and of itself is hard to define even by our highest court in the U.S., the boundaries of “ethical porn” may be even murkier and more controversial.
Many college-aged women may be struggling with similar feelings to Eilish, or may just be ready to consume adult content in a way that fits their core values. This is exactly what ethical porn aims to do, and why you should know what sex educators agree counts as acceptable and safe for all parties when it comes to porn.
You should be paying for porn.
When you see your favorite band, you pay for a ticket, right? You buy merch, stream their songs, and buy their albums. Well, the same goes for sex work you want to consume. Getting it for free ultimately hurts the performers and crew. Your payment means the creators are paid fair wages and aren’t being exploited, and not paying may even result in a bad product, according to PayForYourPorn.org. The production value will be better as well, if you’re into good cinematography, plus you’re less likely to run into those sketchy and annoying pop-up ads. Besides, the least you could do is pay someone you’re getting off to.
With services like OnlyFans, you can find performers and content that speaks to you and keep up with their work. As Sarah DiCorpo, a sex educator, tells Her Campus, “As consumers, we should not only think about, ‘Is anyone getting hurt by this?’ but also, ‘How am I supporting others with this?’ And that’s where a lot of conversation about making sure that sex workers get paid living wages or more than living wages comes in.” If you’re trying to make all forms of work more equitable, paying for your content is a start.
Ethical porn explores pleasure for all parties.
Academics who study feminism share concerns that most widely-available porn videos are male-centered or focus on penile pleasure, rather than an experience that is beneficial to all parties involved. Oftentimes, mainstream porn involves theatrical moans and positions that don’t actually give performers with vulvas an orgasm, according to Everyday Feminism.
Feminist porn sites such as Bellesa Plus and Four Chambers exemplify pleasure for all without the focus of the male gaze. Additionally, for those looking to consume BDSM content ethically, kink.com supplements their content with interviews with the actors so you can see their humanity, as well as how the scenes work and their feelings toward their scene partner.
The actors should have access to healthcare.
In a perfect world, everyone would have access to healthcare regardless of their job. Unfortunately, we do not live in that world, and by consuming free porn, we may be contributing to sexual exploitation, loss of income for sex workers, and more.
When you’re watching porn, consider if the actors have access to sexual healthcare and STI check-ups. Is mental health a priority at this studio? Can you verify that the actors are consenting? It’s not perfect, as some of the answers to these questions aren’t always in writing, but reading about the site on their FAQ page, seeing what other adult content consumers have said or written about the website, and following the actors on social media can make your decision easier. For example, Bellesa Plus notes on their site that they do rigorous STI testing, COVID-19 testing, and more for their performers. Ethical sites will often state health guidelines such as this, as well as confirm their actors are consenting adults. If there’s no public information available, that in and of itself may be a sign.
Ethical porn actors can be found on social media and sometimes share their own work.
Social media isn’t just for memes and news items — it can also give you a way to directly support the creators you like. “Another great way to consume [ethical porn] is to connect directly with the performers themselves on their own social media and internet platforms,” sex educator Erica Smith tells Her Campus. Smith has been in the field for more than 20 years and has a Masters of Education from Widener University’s Center for Human Sexuality Studies. She is also a great sex ed resource to follow on Instagram. “If you stumble across a hot actor in a film, look them up. I bet they have a Twitter account.”
Some OnlyFans users will share their style in short clips on their Twitter feeds and link to new content. Additionally, many performers will support each other by responding to each other’s Tweets, re-posting, collaborating on content, etc. Chances are, you’re sure to stumble across a performer you like through social media if you’re actively looking.
Smith says, “I bet their Twitter account will tell you how you can purchase ‘members only’ content from them, either via OnlyFans or another site. Maybe you can pay them to make a special video clip just for you. When content is coming directly from an individual to you, we can be way less worried that exploitation is involved. Remember that you have to pay for it.”
Sex work is work.
All forms of sex work are true work. Smith shared a quote from a sex-ed celebrity named Dr. Eric Sprankle, whom she admires: “If you think sex workers ‘sell their bodies,’ but coal miners do not, your view of labor is clouded by your moralistic view of sexuality.”
Smith references this particular notion frequently. “I ask folks to consider the stories and words and viewpoints of sex workers themselves,” she says. “It’s a stereotype that everyone who does sex work was sexually abused. We need to look beyond those stereotypes.”
Many organizations, such as Fight The New Drug, a nonprofit that wrongly compares porn use to drug use and touts that “Porn Kills Love,” reject all forms of pornography and wish to rid it entirely. In fact, they often use the phrase “porn addiction” on their site and social media, but the scientific community does not recognize this as a diagnosable problem. According to the “Why Sex Addiction Isn’t Real” episode of the Doing It! with Hannah Witton podocast, the clinical criteria of addiction includes a “significant risk of death.” Therefore, comparing drugs, alcohol and other substances to sex and porn may be a poor metaphor when you consider what experts say. Of course, compulsive behaviors can be a problem in which therapy is needed, but not an “addiction.”
Ethical porn is not dictated by religious moral codes.
Though Fight the New Drug claims they’re a non-religious movement, founder Clay Olson, among other leaders, are deeply embedded in Mormon communities, according to The Daily Beast. Additionally, Fight The New Drug, National Center on Sexual Exploitation and other organizations espouse the notion that no porn will ever be ethical, which feels as if they’re reducing every sex worker to a victim.
If you were raised in a traditional Christian setting, you may have learned that sex must wait for marriage with a cisgender, heterosexual partner and that you better not even think about masturbating because that’s a sin. “I think that the predominant narratives that are in the media and in religion and in church are often explicitly sex-negative, if not subtly sex-negative,” DiCorpo says.
DiCorpo, who specializes in sharing how her Christian faith intertwines with her sexual health, went back to the very basics of her religion to denounce organizations like Fight The New Drug. “My interpretation of my faith can be summed up in one sentence which is ‘Love your neighbor as yourself,’” she says. “That applies to everything, including sex, including porn, whether that’s making it or consuming it. So long as everyone involved is giving consent and willfully doing what they’re doing, and not getting hurt by it or hurting others by it, then it’s great.”
Explore your options… and yourself!
If you are still torn about porn consumption on the video side of the internet, have no fear. You can still discover more about yourself and what you like through other avenues, like erotic audio and literotica.
“You absolutely can’t go wrong ethically with written and audio erotica. Dipsea is really popular, and there’s a reason why romance novels have always been hugely popular — they’re essentially written porn and erotica for women,” says Smith. It makes sense that women would best be able to describe what they’d like to see and gain an audience for other women either through words or through short stories. This is not only easier to create than any video, but it also allows for more imagination.
“Audio and written erotica can be good for beginners to get comfortable with the idea of consuming pornographic content if they’re otherwise squeamish about it,” Smith says. “No one is actually having sex; you’re just imagining it!”
Take your time finding what works best for you. Remember that consuming and enjoying porn ethically is possible and not all porn has to be a disgrace or cause harm, as in Eilish’s case. In the iconic words of Smith, remember that you have to pay for it.