So, you’re in a situationship but you want it to be something more? They say all the right things and make you feel special when you are together, yet whenever you seem to ask, “What are we,” you feel back to square one. Or, that person of interest gives you some vague response or changes the subject and you feel more confused than you did before. Sound familiar?
You may be blind to all the red flags. It’s so easy to get caught up in the excitement of being with someone you really like. So, you have to force that nagging feeling out of your head. You convince yourself that one day they’ll change their mind. The self-doubt starts to kick in. Am I good enough? Am I asking for too much?
Let’s be clear you’re not asking for too much, rather they’re just not into commitment. After all, anyone who is into you would stop at nothing to make sure you know it. Remember: If they wanted to, they would.
To help you understand whether to stay or move on, I’ve gathered a list of six signs that they’re not ready to commit to a relationship with you. Because while it may be a hard truth to admit, you deserve better.
- They want to keep things on the “DL.”
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If they insist on keeping things low-key and don’t tell their friends about you, there is a major red flag waving under your nose. You deserve to be celebrated and no one should make you question your worth. If they want to keep the situationship on the DL, then they most likely do not want to put a label on it. Someone who truly values you will want to show you off.
- They bring another friend as their date.
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This may seem like an obvious one but trust me, when you really like someone, your perspective becomes way too warped and you begin to tell yourself, “Oh, they’re just taking a friend.” Believe me, it’s not just a friend — especially if you’re exclusive on the DL. If you are constantly hanging out, you should be there, and there is no excuse to be justified on their behalf.
- They only hang out with you in private.
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You can tell yourself that you like cuddling in your room all you want but if they are not taking you out in public, that’s a sign that this person has got to go.
- They never follow through.
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Some people are just all talk. They may tell you what you want to hear, but never go through with the actions themselves. Chances are, they just tell you these things to keep you in the situationship. If they really liked you, they would show you, not just tell you. Don’t fall for empty promises.
- They’re always “busy.”
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There’s no doubt we all get busy and caught up in the day-to-day all too often. But when someone likes you, and wants to commit to you, they will make time for you. If they’re always making excuses instead of hanging out and only want to see you on their time, then you’ve got some decisions to make. A relationship is 50/50 and if they are not doing their part, then you shouldn’t have to overcompensate on your end.
- You still have to ask them, “What are we?”
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If you constantly feel off about where you stand, rumor has it you probably have a reason to. You have to go with your gut with these kinds of things.
When you seem to be stuck in the talking stage, make sure to be on the lookout for these red flags before you ask “What are we” for the fiftieth time. (We’ve all been there, it’s OK.) Believe me, it’ll help to protect yourself before you get hurt.