If there are two things Sabrina Carpenter is good at, it’s writing good songs and being horny 24/7. And IDK about you, but I’m totally here for it, ‘cause same. Carpenter finally released her new album, Man’s Best Friend, at midnight on Aug. 29, and despite its controversy regarding the album cover, I’m here to announce that it’s a no-skip album. From dirty songs about sex to heartbreak ballads, she’s so good at nailing every mood that it has me wondering if Carpenter got a copy of my diary. (And, in true Carpenter fashion, it’s full of dirty lyrics.)
Tracks like “Tears” prove that Sabrina has totally mastered the art of turning horny oversharing into a pop hit. One second, you’re giggling at how outrageously raunchy a lyric is, and the next, you’re adding it straight to your “getting ready to go out” playlist. It’s chaotic, it’s relatable, and honestly? It’s everything I want in an album. Half the time I’m blushing, and the other half I’m debating whether to scream the lyrics or moan them. And what better way to celebrate the release of Man’s Best Friend than by going over some of her dirtiest lyrics? It’s the kind of music that makes you blush and text your sneaky link at the same time.
Man’s Best Friend ‘s dirtiest lyrics:
- “I get wet at the thought of you (Uh-huh) / Being a responsible guy (Shikitah) / Treating me like you’re supposed to do (Uh-huh) / Tears run down my thighs.” — “Tears”
- “A little communication, yes, that’s my ideal foreplay / Assemble a chair from IKEA, I’m like, “Uh” (Ah).” — “Tears”
- “A little respect for women can get you very, very far / Remembering how to use your phone gets me oh so (Oh so), oh so hot / Considering I have feelings, I’m like, “Why are my clothes still on?” (Mm) / Offering to do anything, I’m like / (Uh), Oh my god.” — “Tears”
- “He’s busy, he’s working, he doesn’t have time for me / My slutty pajamas not tempting him in the least.” — “Tears”
- “Put your lovin’ where your mouth is.” — “Sugar Talking”
- “You could be using your lips / On a girl with big tits.” — “Never Getting Laid”
- “Us girls are fun, but stressful, am I right? (Am I right?) / And you’ve got a right hand anyway (And only yesterday).” — “Never Getting Laid”
- “So long, untouched / Bone-dry, not a plant can grow / ‘Bout time I get back on the horse to the rodeo.” — “When Did You Get Hot?”
- “Take me to naked Twister back at your place / Baby, baby, mm, it’s thickening the plot.” — “When Did You Get Hot?”
- “Congratulations on your new improvements / I bet your light rod’s, like, bigger than Zeus’s.” — “When Did You Get Hot?”
- “Do you want the house tour? / I could take you to the first, second, third floor (We can take it to the—) / And I promise none of this is a metaphor (Ah) / I just want you to come inside (Come inside) / But never enter through the back door.” — “House Tour”
At this point, Carpenter’s songs should probably come with a parental advisory warning and a pack of condoms.