After claiming bronze in the 20-kilometer men’s biathlon at the 2026 Winter Olympics on Feb. 10, 2025, Norway’s Sturla Holm Lægreid went viral — but not for his athleticism. In a post-event interview with Norwegian broadcaster NRK, the Olympian took the opportunity to not only confess on a global stage that he cheated on his ex-girlfriend, but also to tell her — and everyone else watching — he wants to get her back. “I had a gold medal in life,” he said in the interview. “I wish I could share this with her.”
When I first saw clips of the interview, I could totally understand how someone might think, Wow, that was so romantic! I would absolutely take him back. After all, if a man confesses his love to you in front of the entire world, of course he must really mean it… right? We’re deeply conditioned to see grand gestures as proof of love. Movies, fairy tales, and social media all reinforce the idea that “big” equals meaningful.
“At an attachment level, grand gestures are appealing because they feel like certainty,” Thais Gibson, PhD, relationship expert and founder of The Personal Development School, tells Her Campus. “They create a surge of emotional intensity, and that intensity is often confused with intimacy. When someone goes out of their way in a dramatic fashion, it can activate the attachment system and signal, “You matter. I’m choosing you.”
But I’m going to hold your hand when I tell you this: A grand gesture apology isn’t a good enough reason to take an ex back — especially if they did something that hurt you.
Look, I was raised on grand romantic gestures; it was a staple of romance in all my favorite shows and movies. On Friends, I watched Ross race to the airport to confess his love for Rachel. In How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days, I was on the edge of my seat as Ben chased Andie through New York traffic on a motorcycle to stop her from leaving. When I was younger, I idolized these over-the-top confessions of devotion and pleas for forgiveness; I didn’t have the lived experience to think about how unrealistic they were. As an adult, though, I can better separate fiction from reality — and see that movie-worthy stunts like Lægreid’s might be better off… well, left in the movies.
While romantic gestures usually signal a significant change for the better in love stories, in real life, that’s definitely not always the case. “In secure dynamics, grand gestures come from abundance,” Gibson says. However, she notes, in insecurely attached individuals, a grand gesture can instead serve as an attempt to regain closeness or ease guilt.
Especially when done in public, grand gesture apologies can often come off as manipulative — whether the person doing the gesture intends this or not. While Lægreid might have truly just felt a surge of emotion in such a heightened moment, his ex-girlfriend, who has chosen to remain anonymous, did not want to be thrust into the media’s spotlight. “I did not choose to be put in this position,” she told Norwegian tabloid VG on Feb. 11. “We have had contact, and he is aware of my opinions on this.” Lægreid acknowledged this in a follow-up press conference. “My apologies go to … my ex-girlfriend, who unwillingly ended up in the media spotlight. I hope she is doing well.”
Additionally, a grand gesture or public apology alone isn’t enough to show that a person has really changed. “A grand gesture might appear bold and make a statement on the surface, but … has this person taken any real accountability? In other words, really admitting that they messed up without placing blame or minimizing what they did. What have they done to change and ensure this won’t happen again?” Colette Jane Fehr, licensed marriage and family therapist and author of The Cost of Quiet: How to Have the Hard Conversations That Create Secure, Lasting Love, tells Her Campus. “Saying I’ll do better is not the same as making concrete changes.” If someone’s considering taking an ex back, Fehr recommends looking for examples of taking accountability, like going to counseling, ceasing contact with inappropriate people in their life, and admitting to wrongdoing without minimizing their actions.
I know I’m in no place to tell Lægreid’s ex-girlfriend whether or not she should get back with him (though I really don’t think she’s interested, at least right now). But what I am saying is that no grand romantic gesture can replace rebuilding trust over time or genuinely changing one’s behavior. That doesn’t necessarily mean I’m writing off anyone who does a grand gesture, but if there’s a flash mob or live TV apology — without any evidence of an actual change in behavior — I’m definitely raising my eyebrows.