When we think of intimacy, we often think of the body, both ours and the ones of others, the way they interact, and the sensuality surrounding our sexual experiences. While this is certainly one form of intimacy and can be cherished, intimacy is born in all sorts of places that don’t involve sex. Intimacy can exist in the grand gesture of buying beautiful lingerie to feel good in and/or show off to your partner or in the mundane act of giving your lover the better pillow on the bed. What are other ways to express our desire to the ones we care about?
As someone in a long-distance relationship, my partner and I have had to learn how to remain close to each other without physical intimacy. It’s not easy, but it’s a challenge that has taught me to look for the face of love in its many forms. While some of us may hope to have the greatest sex of our lives this V-day, and that is an admirable goal I hope you accomplish; maybe there’s beauty to be found elsewhere too. How can we better bond with our lovers this Valentine’s day to truly celebrate the diversity of love in our lives without the expected presence of sexuality?
- Write Letters
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I am a firm believer that words can be just as sacred in their intensity as physical touch. When the closest I can get to my boyfriend is a video call, each word is a holy exchange of our affection. This Valentine’s Day, consider writing thoughtful letters to each other and allow yourself to get as sappy or sentimental as you want. It can be a trip down memory lane, so you get swept up in the magic of your own romance, or it can be, as my boyfriend likes to do, a compilation of limericks and poems expressing his love in thoughtful and comedic ways. Even if you are not mailing it formally, you can make the letter extra special with your choice of pretty stationery and stamps (mine fluctuate between hearts and garden landscapes).
- Cook a New Meal
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The art of food is a language of its own. Instead of the standard fancy meal out on the town, consider crafting your own menu together! Maybe someone picks dinner while the other picks dessert. This creates an opportunity where you are still focused on pleasuring each other, only in a new and exciting way. Learning to work together, coordinating the cooking time of everything, and relishing in your creations are all valuable experiences, and if you aren’t the best cooks, you’ll share lots of laughs… and maybe some good Chinese takeout if things don’t go according to plan. Add matching aprons and music to contribute to the special homemade restaurant atmosphere.
- Create a Flower Bouquet
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People often buy and send each other flowers on Valentine’s Day, but taking the time to create your own bouquet as opposed to picking one of the limited options at your local store is a special way to curate something exactly right for the one you love. Consider their favorite flowers and colors, and include a personalized card and even a new vase if you’re feeling fancy. Carnations last a long time, baby’s breath are cute, small, and great for filling gaps, and roses are a classic.
- Read
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This one is a sort of subgenre of the sensuality of conversation. Hearing the voice of the one you love tell a story can be incredibly soothing, especially if the book is particularly special to the both of you. Nonfiction stories like All About Love by Bell Hooks or fiction ones like Pride and Prejudice allow the writer to add fresh words to your dynamic that help keep an air of romance. Alternatively, reading a more comedic book lets you guys have fun and experiment with character voices; laughter is a missing love language. Experiment with the old elementary school trick of popcorn reading in case someone’s throat gets a bit tired. Accompany the date with some homemade warm tea or hot chocolate, and enjoy the stillness together as you bask in the literature.
- Dance
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I’ve come to believe our generation has lost its connection to the art of dancing. Sure, once a week, we put on our best outfits and bump and grind with (or on) strangers and friends in a sweaty club, and that is a beauty of its own. But what about slow, sensual dancing without words and a form of touch with its own set of boundaries? You can go to a nice club, but even setting the mood in your home with candles, slow jazz, or salsa is a creative way to learn how to listen to and work with your partner’s body regardless of sex. Plus, it’s fairly good foreplay, anyway. Alternatively, putting on some classic Just Dance 2014 videos can induce some silliness into the way you use your bodies together; Valentine’s Day doesn’t have to be serious all the time!
- Paint
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If you are more on the craftier side or are hilariously not artistically inclined at all, this is a sweet and funny experiment to undertake! Setting up a cute park picnic to paint each other without the other seeing can lead to some fun surprises, but another activity I did on one of my first dates was trying to create a work of art at the same time. Take turns contributing to a canvas or split it down the middle to paint at the same time, and see how quickly you can create a singular work of art with that special someone. Hanging it up for you both to see will also be a special daily reminder of your bond.
- Thrift an Outfit
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This was a trend between couples at one point, but I still consider it a timeless activity. Heading to your local thrift shop and picking different articles of clothing or accessories for your partner just shows how much care goes into knowing or learning what they like and look good in. One way to dazzle it up is to go into where the knick-knacks are sold and also buy a cute trinket that reminds you of each other. Back home, you can model for each other and do a cute fashion show/photo shoot styled by your SO.