2020 has had a big impact on dating. It’s forced us to take things slower, to find ways to connect online, and to think about what we really want. These can all be seen as positive things — however, this may also mean you haven’t had sex in a hot minute. You might be in a long-distance relationship or you might be chatting to a cutie from Tinder that you can’t see in person right now; either way, you may be feeling deprived of the very important physical aspect of a relationship. But do not despair, for there is a viable alternative: phone sex!
It may seem like a second-best or rather intimidating subject to bring up with a partner, but rest assured, phone sex can still provide a pleasurable intimate experience for both you and your partner. The idea of turning sex into something you say out loud seemed super awkward to me at first, but with these tips we’ll get you through the current drought.
- Foreplay is still a thing
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Foreplay is very important, especially for women who take a bit longer to get aroused to the point of orgasm than men. Just because it’s phone sex doesn’t mean you should forget about foreplay. Some ways to get in the mood while being distant are sexting and sending sexy pics (making sure both you and your partner are over 18 and are both consenting!). And if sexy texting isn’t your thing, just tell your partner how much you’re looking forward to some intimate time with them.
- Get comfy and set the mood
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This is more about you than your partner. Wear something that makes you feel like a sexy, confident badass, whether it’s your favorite lingerie set or a cute pair of pajamas. You can clean your room, light your favorite candle, and even put your favorite porn on in the background to get yourself into the mindset of sex.
- Walk them through
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More like talk them through. A good place to start is simply with detailed descriptions of what you’re wearing, how you feel, and how you’re touching yourself. Relax and be authentic; you may have the sudden nervous urge to attempt a ~sexier~ voice, but I assure you that to your partner, your normal voice is more than enough — so don’t feel pressured to be someone you’re not!
Alternatively, you might prefer it if your partner directs you, tells you what to do and where to touch. Whatever gets you into the moment and makes you feel good. You may even prefer not speaking at all, and just listening to each other’s breaths (and moans). There is no “right way” to have phone sex. Just make sure both you and your partner are on the same page!
- Play out a fantasy
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This can be a good opportunity to try roleplay since you won’t feel the awkwardness of seeing your partner’s face. Play out that fantasy in your mind, with vivid descriptions to your partner. These could be outrageous bad-porn-worthy fantasies or things that you might not be into IRL, like public sex or BDSM. You could even play out a fantasy of what your hot and steamy reunion with your partner may look like.
- Try again
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It’s okay if your first try is a bit of a fail. It’s not easy to nail something right away when it’s out of your comfort zone. Don’t be discouraged, talk it through with your partner and try something different. And if you need a little help, consider trying to up your dirty talk, or invest in some sexy toys made for long-distance couples. There are many ways to spice up your phone sex if you feel like something is missing. The more you try it, the more you’ll relax and the more you’ll enjoy it. Trust me, it’s a worthy investment of your time.
- Be spontaneous
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This doesn’t have to be something you plan in advance. Sex usually happens organically, and so can phone sex. If you’re just casually chatting with your partner and realize you’re in the mood, start with some flirty words and see where the conversation goes. If you don’t feel you are currently at a place in your relationship with your partner to do this, try casually bringing it up as a prelude for a future spontaneous moment.
Like I said before, there is no “right” way to have phone sex! The whole point is to have fun and feel good, so make sure both your and your partner are comfortable. Good luck!