Everything You Need To Know Before Having Anal Sex For The First Time, From 2 Sexperts

Firsts are freaky, but they don’t have to be. In Her Campus’s series My First Time, we’re answering the burning questions you might be uncomfortable asking about IRL. In this article, we tackle what you need to know about having anal sex for the first time.

Remember that Sabrina Carpenter lyric, “But never enter through the back door”? Yeah, I’m going to need you to ignore it for the next five minutes. Sure, anal sex has a weird reputation: It’s either treated like a punchline, a sex accident, or the infamous workaround for virginity. But what we don’t talk about enough is that anal sex is totally normal and pleasurable. So, if you’re curious about anal sex (or “butt stuff”), you’re not alone. 

But how do you prepare for your first time having anal sex — especially if you’re a complete beginner to anal play? Sofie Roos is a licensed sexologist and relationship therapist with 18 years of experience in helping people have incredible sex. Rachel Gelman is a pelvic floor specialist and certified sexuality counselor. Together? They’re basically the Batman and Superman of anal. With psychological and anatomical knowledge, I chatted with both of them to gather all the information on backdoor play.

Before you go forward with anything physical, it’s important to have a mental check-in about why you want to have anal sex. “Only do it because you want to, not because you feel pressured to do it,” says Roos.

If you’re engaging in anal sex, step one is to relax. A crucial part of this relaxation is letting go of any expectations about what your first time will look like. “Anal, especially the first time, should only be about curiously testing and experimenting with different forms of stimulation,” says Roos. “It doesn’t matter if it’s ‘only’ gentle touches around the anus, penetration, or anything in between.”

Obviously, anal sex is different than vaginal intercourse — mainly, because you feel an entirely different sensation in an entirely different part of the body. So, it’s important to physically relax beforehand. “Anal puts much more pressure on relaxing compared to other sex forms,” says Roos, because “If you tense, it will be painful.” Therefore, a crucial consideration is to select an environment and partner that makes you feel safe. 

Roos also emphasizes that “pain is the body’s way of signaling ‘slow down,’” so don’t ignore that, and pass off pain as a part of the process. “Anal should always feel good,” Roos emphasizes. So, get yourself in a zen state. Whether you take a bubble bath, engage in foreplay, or ask your partner to give a foot massage, take some time to decompress.

You and your partner should also communicate about and plan when you want to have anal sex. It might sound unsexy, but there’s actually nothing hotter. “Plan the act,” says Roos, “Knowing what will happen makes it so much easier to relax and be in the moment, which is crucial for a joyful experience!”  It’s important to talk about expectations and boundaries. Additionally, you should communicate with them what you are curious about versus hard nos in the bedroom. 

Preparing your body for anal sex is a must

Once you’ve ironed out the details of when, it’s important to prep the body for penetration. Gelman says that anal prep varies from person to person, but for some, it can start weeks in advance. She recommends starting with super small penetration, with “either one finger or the slimmest dilator,” and lots of lube, since there is no self-lubrication. “Practice slow, deep breathing and insert,” she says, “There may be pressure and discomfort. They can leave it in for a few minutes and then move the dilator out slowly, practicing relaxing. Then, reinsert it slowly, repeating the process for another few minutes. After a few days or weeks, a person can move up to the next size and repeat this same process.”

Preparing your body also includes engaging in proper hygiene. One of the best ways to do this is flushing with an anal douche, which Roos says, “makes it more pleasant for everyone involved.” Douching involves gently cleansing the rectum with lukewarm water, to make sure there’s no unwanted residue whenever you engage in anal play. Just insert the lubed-up tip of an enema into the first couple of inches of your anus. After squeezing water in, hold for a few seconds and then release. Continue this process until the water comes out clear: You don’t want to flush out your entire system, just give it a little bit of freshening up.

And don’t forget a condom. Though pregnancy is not a concern, STIs are highly transmissible during anal intercourse. If you are switching between anal, vaginal, or oral sex, grabbing a fresh condom between each act is essential. Trust, you don’t want anything in your bum making its way to your vagina or mouth.

What positions are best for anal sex?

Choosing a comfortable position is half the battle your first time. “Positions that are similar to child’s pose or happy baby can be helpful,” says Gelman. “Those positions facilitate relaxing the pelvic floor, which can help make the first attempt easier and more comfortable.” All that YogaPod is about to pay off!

Though a “from behind” position like doggy might seem like the natural choice, it is actually anything but. “Try to avoid doggy style to begin with, as it tends to be too intense due to the deep penetration,” says Roos. Her recommendations are spooning, missionary, and cowgirl, as they allow better control and communication for the receiver.

It’s important to remember that anal sex is, by nature, an advanced act: There’s no natural lubrication, no autopilot setting, and it asks you to be deeply in tune with your body and brave enough to say what you need, whether that’s more lube, more time, or a full stop. That kind of communication isn’t awkward; it’s skilled.

Sometimes, pleasure takes practice, curiosity, and trying something once to confidently say, “Yep, not for me.” Whether it becomes your new favorite move or just a fun fact about yourself, the real win is approaching it with intention, knowledge, and zero shame. So, if you’re curious and on the same page as a partner, go for it!

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