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Sex + Relationships

Guys’ Take On: The Way You Dance

You’re at a party, music is blasting, and you’re dancing with a cute guy. Do you ever wonder what’s going on in his head while you’re dancing up a storm? Is he judging your dance moves? Does he think that you’re interested in him if you grind with him? We surveyed 11 guys to see what they think about your dancing and asked all the questions you might have but never get a chance to ask.

If you’re dancing with a guy you’ve just met, what is he thinking?

When asked what’s going on in their heads when grinding with someone they’ve just met, 10 responding guys expressed the belief that you’re just having fun and grinding doesn’t necessarily mean anything. One guy takes it as a sign that a girl is interested in him — at least interested enough to dance with him.

“[I’m thinking] she likes me enough to dance with me, but it may not go anywhere further than that,” says Oliver, a sophomore from Douglas College. 

But for the most part, guys seem not to want to get their hopes up.

“In an ideal world, if you’re grinding with a girl, it means you’ve exchanged some sort of conversation, or she at least knows [and likes] what you look like because you smiled at her and asked her to dance,” says Andy, a senior from San Francisco State University. “But too many girls like to dance just to dance, so I’ve come to expect very little.”

Different scenario: What does your guy friend think when you’re grinding with him?

Sometimes girls just want to have fun and sometimes that involves dancing with a guy we’re friends with (keyword here being “friend”). If we want to grind with a guy friend, we don’t want to have any worries about leading him on. But is it something we should worry about?

Of the guys we spoke to, seven of them are not reading too much into it and believe that you are just having fun. However, the remaining four believe that if you grind with them, it’s a sign that you like them one way or another.

“[I think] that she is obviously having fun with it but she also has a physical attraction to me,” says Ezio*, a senior at Simon Fraser University.

“Perhaps a house party would be different, but a girl grinding at a club doesn’t mean anything other than what it is,” Andy says. “It has to progress from there, if she’s interested, she’ll want to sit down with you and talk [or] grab another drink. But just dancing doesn’t mean anything.”

Does he care if you’re a bad dancer?

Okay, so we don’t all possess the moves or have rhythm, but does it matter to a guy? When asked whether being a bad dancer is a big deal, four said it is a turn-off, while seven said it doesn’t matter.

Andy remembers a dancing experience that was so bad, he couldn’t continue dancing with the girl. “Her [grinding] motion was up and down and not side to side, it was awful. I was trying to play wingman for a friend, but after two thirds of a song, I had to bail. It was uncomfortable.”

However, not all guys pay too much attention to your dancing skills. “I’m probably too drunk to care,” Oliver confesses.

When asked if your dancing skills have an influence on whether or not he’s willing to hook up with you, three said yes, seven said no, and one guy said it depends on how bad her dancing is.

“If she dances worse than me — which is pretty bad — I’m out,” says Sean, a senior at the University of Pittsburgh.

“She needs to have some sort of groove, or it’s just a turn off,” says Ezio. “Dancing is almost a form of seduction, so she needs to be decent at it.”

But good dancing isn’t a requirement for all guys who are looking for a potential hook-up, especially if he’s not exactly a pro on the dance floor himself. “I’m a terrible dancer anyways,” confesses Nate, a senior at Kwantlen Polytechnic University.

We also asked if they were turned on by risqué dancing. With the term “risqué” left to their own interpretation, all but two of the guys we spoke to said yes, they like it when a girl dances risqué. Still, there is a line that you might not want to cross. “I like girls that dance sexy — not sl*tty,” says Genesis, a ‘11 alum from Sternberg College.

“If a girl gets too risqué at a club, I’m going to be thinking she’s a little sex crazy,” says Andy.

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Does he expect DFMO [dance floor makeouts] to happen?

Sometimes dancing can lead to a DFMO. When asked if they expect DFMOs to happen, seven guys said they don’t expect it to happen, but are happy if they do. Two said they definitely expect it to happen if you’ve been dancing for a long time, and two guys said they don’t expect it to happen because they don’t like DFMOs.

Ezio says that while he does expect some DFMOs to happen, he also has higher expectations if it’s going to happen. “I kind of expect some, but it may take more than dancing. There needs to be other forms of interaction.”

As for Andy, he doesn’t like DFMOs. “Can’t say I’ve done one of those random dance floor make-outs,” says Andy. “I’m not one to really look for a casual hook up. So to be honest, I would prefer a first kiss with a girl to be at the end of a date, not randomly on the dance floor.”

Will he approach you if you’re dancing with your girlfriends?

We might be right in our comfort zone when surrounded by our girlfriends. But if you spot a cute guy noticing you from afar, is he more or less likely to approach you when you’re surrounded by friends? Seven guys said they are more intimidated when they see you dancing with your girlfriends and are less likely to approach you.

The remaining four said that seeing you dance with a group of your girlfriends won’t hinder them from approaching you for a dance.

Kenny, a senior at the University of Pittsburgh, says he mostly gets intimidated if a girl is dancing with her girlfriends unless he has his own friends with him.

Andy would approach a girl surrounded by her friends, depending on the number of girls she’s dancing with. “[It] depends on [her] body language,” he says, “but a big group of friends is certainly hard. I’d advise girls to dance in pairs, [it’s] much less intimidating.”

Genesis says he is still likely to approach a girl, even if she is dancing with girlfriends but says, “[It] depends if we’ve made eye contact and she shows she’s willing to dance with me.”

Despite getting nervous about approaching a girl surrounded by her friends, Ezio is still willing to ask a girl to dance with him, in hopes that he can bridge a gap between her friends and his. “It is more intimidating [to approach a girl who is dancing with her girlfriends], but I will do it anyways,” Ezio says. “Perhaps the other girls could also interact with my friends.”

Does he prefer sober or drunk dancing?

When asked if they prefer dancing with you sober or drunk dancing, four said they prefer alcohol-fueled dancing, while six said they don’t care either way.

If the only way you’ll get on the dance floor is with some liquid courage, you’re not alone. “Alcohol is my dance lessons,” says Kyle, a senior at Kwantlen Polytechnic University. “The more I drink, the better, more confident I am on the dance floor.”

Only one guy prefers sober dancing: “I prefer sober [because there’s] no chance of puking,” says Ezio.

Sarah Casimong is a graduate of Kwantlen Polytechnic University, with a bachelor's degree in journalism. She has written for the Vancouver Observer, Cave Magazine and Urban Pie. She is also the scriptwriter for Beautiful Minds Radio on Vancouver Co-op Radio 100.5 FM, and occasionally conducts interviews for the "personal story" segment of the show. In her spare time she enjoys British music and television, playing the Mass Effect and Dragon Age video games and getting lost in really good chick lits. You can follow her on twitter: @sarahcasimong
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