At 20, Bridgette* didn’t think dating a 30-year-old would be a problem: They both had jobs, active social lives, and similar routines. But what started as a non-issue slowly turned into something harder — not the age difference itself, but a maturity gap that was harder to ignore. “He would have been a very nice boyfriend if we were both the same age,” she tells Her Campus. “But as we got deeper into the relationship, I realized that he had a good foundation if we were in the same boat, but we weren’t.”
Age gaps in dating are suddenly everywhere: From binge-worthy reality shows like Age of Attraction to celebrities posting about partners a decade older or younger to scripted series that feature major age gaps. And, for Gen Z, age gap relationships are a part of the current dating climate. According to a study by the dating app Flirtini — based on data from over a million anonymized dating app likes in 2024 — just 26% of Gen Z women prefer dating within their own age bracket, and 38% prefer older men (anywhere from four to 10+ years their senior).
Bigger age differences — five, 10, even 15+ years — aren’t total dealbreakers, but, in practice, they’re not inherently appealing, either. For women like Bridgette who have been in age-gap relationships before, it wasn’t the age difference that was the issue — it was a difference in lifestyles and maturity.
If we were both in the same place in life at the same time and wanted to grow together, we could have been a good pair.
Bridgette, 20
Jessica*, 25, dated a 31-year-old man when she was 21, and it didn’t seem like that big of a deal. “I love to party, go out, take several hours of classes a day, do all of my homework, attend several clubs, go out again, start up again in the morning, and do it all over again,” she says. “At first, he’s saying all these things that support [doing] that.”
And while the age gap seemed fine at first, the differences became harder to ignore over time, especially since she was a college student still balancing an active social life with her studies, while he was more settled in his career. “We really matched on every level except for certain areas of our maturity,” she says. “The reality was that he didn’t have the energy to do the full shabang over and over and over again — he was more interested in a long-term career that he had already settled on, and I hadn’t even explored my options yet.”
But, in some age gap relationships, the older partner isn’t the more “mature” one. “I was 19 with a good federal law enforcement job, beginning my career incredibly young,” Bridgette says. “He was 30 years old and in the same place in life as me, with no intention of doing better for himself. If we were both in the same place in life at the same time and wanted to grow together, we could have been a good pair.”
It’s kind of crazy that the least mature people I’ve been in a relationship with have been older.
Zoey, 23
The assumption that “older” automatically means “fully developed adult” doesn’t always hold up in a generation that’s hyper-aware of emotions, communication, and red flags. This was the case in 23-year-old Zoey’s* experience. “I’ve been in plenty of relationships and situationships with an age gap, pretty much always being the younger person,” she says. “But just because your partner is older, does not mean they are more mature. I have felt like a babysitter more times when dating someone older than me than I have with people who are my age or slightly younger.”
Even so, it’s something Zoey has definitely picked up on over time. “Could this be the type of people I’ve been in a relationship with? Sure,” she admits. “But it’s kind of crazy that the least mature people I’ve been in a relationship with have been older.”
For many young people, the question isn’t “How old is your partner?” It’s “Are we actually aligned?” As licensed sexologist and relationship therapist Sofie Roos notes, “It doesn’t matter that much if it’s 10 or 20 years between you if you want the same things in life, for example, when it comes to career, family, or lifestyle, or if you share the same values and outlook on life in general.”
You start to realize that there are underlying age-related factors that cannot be moved around in a relationship
Jessica, 25
Those values show up in day-to-day decisions: career moves, routines, even how someone spends their free time. A five-year gap might not seem like much, but it can feel huge if one person is thinking about settling down while the other is just getting started. “You start to realize that there are underlying age-related factors that cannot be moved around in a relationship,” Jessica notes.
And while there’s still this lingering idea that age equals wisdom, a lot of Gen Zers aren’t buying it. According to Tawkify‘s Chief Commercial Officer and Chief Matchmaker Brie Temple, “Many Gen Zers have an extremely high level of emotional awareness; therefore, any inequities in terms of the way they communicate with each other or in regards to their desire for independence will be recognized immediately by the younger partner.” And in some cases, the younger partner ends up being the more grounded one.
That dynamic can create a subtle push-and-pull: one person craving independence and growth, the other maybe leaning toward comfort or stability. Sometimes it works. Sometimes it doesn’t. But either way, it forces both people to get really clear on what they want. And at the end of the day, that’s what sets Gen Z’s approach apart.
Age-gap relationships aren’t automatically taboo, but they’re not blindly romanticized, either. They’re approached with a mix of curiosity, caution, and a pretty strong sense of self-awareness. “I don’t regret my relationship; it was very healthy,” Jessica says. “I got to grow a lot. You cannot have this perspective without living through it. I just encourage others to think about where they are in life [before pursuing an age gap relationship].”
*Names have been changed