As pandemic restrictions slowly ease up and college campuses reopen, many of us are taking the time to enjoy the things we missed out on in the past year and a half: movies with friends, gatherings with family, and in-person classes on campus. Now that our favorite museums and late-night Friday dinner spots are opening up again, “going out” means actually going out. As our social lives readjust to another “new normal,” the process directly impacts our romantic pursuits. Now, many of us are experiencing the transition from online to in-person dating — which can be a challenging thing to navigate.
In all its glory, dating is tough enough as it is. It takes a lot of effort to make plans and hope for chemistry all while dealing with the natural nerves and other challenges that come with the process. Plus, transitioning from online to in-person dating during a pandemic comes with its own set of tricky situations: Will they like what they see in real life? What if we’re not physically attracted to one another? Do I have to trade my comfortable pajama pants for a fancy date outfit? Going from FaceTime to face-to-face can be a little daunting, but it can also be a chance to explore what you’re really looking for in the dating world.
before you start dating irl, know your boundaries.
Do you only want to date people who have been double-vaccinated? Are you only comfortable meeting outdoors, or are you okay with going on an indoor date? Are you comfortable with physical touch and intimacy? Or, maybe you want to continue virtually dating for a little while longer?
These are all valid questions you might want to ask yourself before diving into the romantic world that awaits you beyond your phone screen. Having these conversations (with yourself and your potential date) right off the bat might feel a little awkward at first, but it’s important to keep in mind that health and safety should always take priority; according to Women’s Health, many dating apps like Bumble and Hinge have even added features where users can show their vaccination status on their profile. Besides, having important conversations with a potential partner early on can help establish respect, honesty, and open communication for the rest of your relationship!
Another thing to think about when moving from online romance to in-person is what type of relationship you’re looking for. It’s totally okay to want something casual at first or to explore dating before deciding what’s right for you at this time in your life.
Your pace of dating is important, too. In my own experience, after being isolated for so long during the peak of quarantine, I felt so eager to jump right back into socializing that I scheduled too many dates and couldn’t keep up! So, make sure to begin your in-person dating experience gradually — and move at a pace that feels good — if you think that’s the best choice for you.
practice safety & set expectations.
Getting to know someone over text or Zoom can be pretty different from the IRL dating experience. Maybe you and your date have a similar sense of humor when texting or you initially connected over the fact that you love hosting impromptu mukbangs over a video, and everything seems to be going great. However, now it’s time to meet them in person — you want to be sure you’re setting realistic expectations.
First, know that it’s completely okay to ask someone to meet virtually first before making a mutual decision to meet in person! Regardless of whether or not quarantine is over, this is still a valid first date that can be a lot of fun, and mutually agreeing to meet in person together can add to the excitement. However, as with any kind of dating, it’s a good idea to take some safety precautions, especially if you’re meeting up with someone that you’ve only gotten to know online so far.
Dr. Ashley Fansher is a professor at the University of Houston-Victoria who has conducted research on online dating and the potential risks and challenges people may experience. She tells Her Campus that the pandemic has increased how long people talk online before meeting in person which can impact comfort levels before meeting IRL for the first time. However, in-person dating after quarantine still requires exercising safe practices.
“As much fun as it is to go to someone’s house, you never want to meet someone for the first time in-person at a private place,” she says. “But if I go to a bar to meet somebody, there are servers and bartenders…there are a lot more outsiders who can help you or look out for weird things.”
After spending so much time alone during the pandemic, it can be easy to overlook the safety side of dating. As a general rule, always let a friend or someone you trust know where you’re going and make a plan to get home safely!
Don’t be too hard on yourself.
Now that pandemic restrictions are lifted in some areas, you might feel a new social pressure to get to know people again and put yourself out there after isolation. If you’re feeling anxious about meeting up with people in person, that’s normal! Adjusting to the romantic butterflies in person can definitely take some getting used to, especially if you’re meeting someone outside the comfort of your own home, where you’ve probably spent the past few semesters during quarantine.
Getting back into the dating game during the pandemic can set expectations that you might not be prepared for. Remember, sparks won’t always fly –– and if they do, that’s great, but if they don’t, that’s also okay!
Dr. Fansher adds that miscommunication in expectations often increases with online dating and texting. “You might feel either a lot more comfortable with the person [after online dating], which is great, or you might feel the opposite,” she says.
Confidence during this transition always starts with your own mental well-being, so caring for yourself while dating should always come first. If at any point you decide that you’re not ready for in-person dating, that’s a valid feeling and you should feel free to take as much time as you need. Quarantine has been tough on our ability to socialize, so be forgiving — with yourself and others.
“I decided to delete my dating apps because using them during the pandemic really overwhelmed me,” says Maya, 20, from Carleton University. “I felt like it was the right choice.”
Simply put: if it doesn’t feel like the right time for you to start dating again, it’s probably not the right time, especially during the pandemic when feeling safe and healthy is more important than ever. Besides, romance can be genuinely enjoyed when you feel you’re truly ready for it!
don’t overthink your appearance.
While online dating allows you to have some flexibility with Zoom or FaceTime dates, it might feel abnormal at first to get ready for an in-person date, especially if the pandemic has kept you from dating regularly. You might be wondering what you should wear or feel self-conscious about how you’re presenting yourself, especially after years at home rocking sweatpants. For example, if you’re getting ready for your first in-person date in a while, it might be tempting to dress according to what you think your partner might like — but the best thing you can do for yourself is to wear what makes you feel your best!
“When I was getting dressed for my first date in a while, I was considering wearing something that would make my partner think I was cute,” says Jessica, 20, from Fanshawe College. “But, I ended up going with an outfit I was more comfortable with, and it actually made me feel a lot more confident! We had a great time and I was glad I chose the outfit that I did.”
When I was getting ready for my first in-person date since the pandemic began, I definitely felt some added pressure to look extra good, almost as if I wanted to prove that I was “worth the wait.” However, I realized that I felt best when I decided to look extra good only for myself because that’s when I felt happiest and most attractive. Remember: If the person you’re seeing is right for you, they’ll like you however you choose to present yourself in person!
stay confident & be yourself.
After online dating for a long time, it’s common to feel as though you’re unintentionally “catfishing” your partner — AKA those feelings of anxiety about disappointing them with how you look in person compared to your online dating profile, or the angles and lighting you chose over FaceTime. It’s important to keep in mind that the right person will be excited to see you in person, and chances are, the anticipation of meeting up will make the experience fun for both people involved.
“I was so excited to meet him, but I was also really nervous. I asked myself: ‘what if he only likes the ‘virtual’ me?’” says Jennifer, 20, a student at Western University. Jennifer met her partner in person after nearly eight months of online dating in the pandemic. “I was also scared of not being myself! But as soon as I saw him, I calmed down. I realized that he liked me for me.”
Whether you’re planning a COVID-safe in-person date, continuing online dating, or deciding if you want to stop dating altogether, doing what’s right for you when it comes to romance should always take the lead. After all, considering the challenges of the pandemic, you deserve nothing less!
Going from online to in-person dating can come with its own unique obstacles and questions, especially after a long period without socialization. Regardless of whether your romance blooms through Zoom or finds its way back to the inside of a restaurant, it’s important to make sure that the dating experience is fun and safe. And hey — there’s nothing stopping you from wearing pajama pants on the second date.