If anyone out there is like me, you struggle when it comes to letting your personality show online. It feels impossible to show all my true colors virtually, be it on my Instagram feed or through a couple highlight reels on a dating app. Unfortunately for people like me, meeting people online has become all the rage in recent years – and it’s been the only way for the better part of the last two – but my experience is zero-to-none. I was always left wondering how to meet someone without a dating app – after all, the only person I successfully met online was my college roommate – but because of that, I’ve figured out the best ways to not only successfully meet people in real life, but forge relationships with them that are actually meaningful. So whether you’re tired of dating apps and want to dive into in-person flirting or you’re feeling a little lost as bumping into someone in a coffee shop becomes a little more likely as you return to some of your pre-pandemic norms, let my experience pave the way.
1. Don’t Be Afraid To Say Yes
The most important thing I learned to do was say yes to experiences that pushed me out of my comfort zone (within reason, of course)! You never know who you may be introduced to, just by saying yes to something new. Take it from me: I met my boyfriend of a year and a half by saying yes to an impromptu night out with my best friend. That one decision changed my life for the better when I least expected it – what if I’d passed to watch a movie alone in my room that night?
But while it’s important to try new things, it’s also important to say yes to events that you know you would enjoy — 1) That’s how your authenticity comes out, and 2) That’s how you keep yourself safe! If you’re deathly afraid of heights, not even you can blame yourself for saying no to a zip-lining invite, but the next time your colleague asks you to hang out with their friends, consider saying yes – even if you’re shy – and seeing where it takes you.
2. Take Some Time To Get To Know Yourself
Have you ever swiped right on someone and then met up with them on a date, only to find out they’re totally different from what their profile said? Don’t let that be you!
This is a good rule of thumb for life in general, but certainly comes into play when it comes to introducing yourself to someone new. Some of us have spent the last year and a half “getting to know ourselves” through the pandemic – from establishing new favorite hobbies to finding brand new comfort shows – but for others, figuring out who you are can be really tough. Start small and focus on some of the things that make you happy, whether that be a place, an activity, or as simple as a drink at Starbucks. Narrow down those things that you’re sure of and ask others – your friends or your dates – to share those experiences with you. When you know yourself, you’re able to show people the real you. Too often people are trying too hard to be someone they’re not to impress others, but there’s nothing better to be but yourself!
3. Don’t Be Afraid To Talk To People First
I know this is probably the hardest piece of advice to follow, but you have to remember that other people are looking for new relationships, too. Doesn’t it feel so nice when someone else talks to you first? Learn to be that person for someone else.
When I started my first waitress job during college, I was desperate to make friends but always struggled with feeling too shy to speak up. One day I walked in and the hostess was wearing the cutest summer dress, and without thinking twice I told her I loved her dress. We spent the whole summer working together and ended up being really close friends — all over a dress!
Not only is it a huge confidence boost for you to suck it up and start a conversation, but that one decision can lead to a really amazing connection in the future. If worst comes to worst, that person isn’t interested in pursuing the relationship, and you haven’t lost anything but a few moments of your time.
I won’t lie, meeting people IRL takes way more effort than just swiping right on someone’s face, but I believe it forges a more meaningful relationship. Instead of focusing on carefully crafting a response on Bumble or worrying about how out of practice you are when you lock eyes with someone from across the room, learn to focus on who you find yourself face to face with, in that moment. Your twenties can be a difficult time for dating, especially now as in-person classes and work resume, but no matter where life takes you there are great people to be met along the way. Push yourself outside of your comfort zone and remember that every twentysomething is trying to meet new people – and we’re all probably a little rusty. They’re out there waiting for you, and working up the nerve to share your true selves with each other could be the beginning of something great.
Follow Ashley Guertin on Instagram.