I am convinced that everyone secretly hopes they have a steamy and cute office romance complete with a meet-cute by the water cooler, or something steamy like getting stuck in a supply closet alone (I’m a big fan of forced proximity if you can’t tell). But Jim and Pam might have made it look easy on The Office, but having a crush in the workplace can get pretty complicated… especially if they’re in your internship rotational class.
I remember, during my first internship, I had a crush on an intern who worked at our sister office. Terrified of rejection, ruining my future prospects, or a horrific combination of both, I never acted on my feelings. With internship season in full swing, you might have your eye on another intern, too.
It can be hard to figure out if your feelings are actually there or if you are just filled with excitement for the new phase. Plus, the fear of possibly making a bad impression on an employer, or while networking could be holding you back. But if you are feeling sparks with another intern how do you go about dating them? I chatted with Silvy Khoucasian, a relationship and dating coach, all about if it’s worth it to date a fellow intern.
Are they the love of your life, or just a workplace crush?
Due to your internship, you’ll probably be spending a lot of your time at work. So, it’s no wonder that connections start to form over happy hours, lunch breaks, projects, or even post-shift hangouts with your fellow interns.
To Khoucasian, caution is super important when pursuing a relationship with someone in your internship class. She warns against just jumping into it without making sure the connection is real. Lots of crushes on someone from your internship class could have an additional thrill because there is a sense of rebellion by having a forbidden love.
“There are a couple of things that can be really helpful to help assess this before jumping in,” she says. “Start by asking yourself these questions: ‘Does this person seem to be aligned with my core values?’ ‘Is this person someone I admire and respect?’ ‘Is there something between us that is beyond physical attraction?’ and, ‘How does this person treat and get along with other people in our shared work environment?’”
You might not have all the answers, so take time to really investigate the connection. Hang out outside of work and get to know each other beyond the office walls.
Check to see if you’re not breaking any rules with HR.
Once you figure out that the person is right, there are steps to take to protect your future and your relationship.
Start by sitting down with your workplace crush and talking about what to do next. I know, I know — big talks like this are serious and sometimes boring, but it’s super important to protect yourself.
“Checking in with the manager might be important, but it all depends on where you work,” she says. “Some environments are much more professional, and others are more casual by nature and even more virtual these days, so there are a lot of considerations and complexities to think about.”
Start by reading the employee handbook or other company rules to see what the company thinks of employees dating. You might be required to share your new relationship status with HR, or you might not have to say anything.
All in all, keep your love life out-of-office.
If there’s no need to tell HR, it’s still best to keep things completely private in the workplace. Especially if you’re dating within a small, close-knit internship class — things can get messy.
“I think this has a lot to do with the privacy boundaries a couple may have,” Khoucasian says. “For example, some people feel much more comfortable being out in the open, while others might feel the need to keep things more private in the beginning until things feel more established.”
Khoucasian also says it’s also super important to discuss your level of privacy in the relationship. “I think one of the most important things to keep in mind is that relationships are messy, and work relationships can be even messier because you’re intertwining two different realms of your life together: your romantic and your professional,” she says.
It is hard to keep these details private so be sure to tell your friends so you can keep sharing the excitement without threatening your professional life. This is definitely a time to rely on your out-of-office besties and share everything with them so you still get the excitement of sharing without doing it at work.
“Allow yourself to be human and to not do it perfectly, and learn as you go,” Khoucasian says. “I would suggest that you don’t share intimate details with coworkers unless you feel deep trust with them to keep things private.”