You have been nice all Christmas season: wrapping presents, helping charity, wishing everyone a happy holiday (even the people you don’t like that much). But the season is coming to a close, and so is all of this niceness. It’s time to switch it up with these naughty list-certified Christmas Eve sex positions.
That’s right, ladies and gents, it’s time to crank up the Christmas spirit and put the “ho” in ho, ho, ho (IYKWIM). Christmas Eve is far too late to land yourself on the naughty list, so you might as well lean in. The gifts are wrapped, the chocolate chip cookies are baked, the family group chat has finally gone quiet… and suddenly, the night feels full of potential. It’s time to rip off those matching Christmas pajamas, chug some eggnog, and get to work.Â
Whether you’re cozied up by the fireplace, sneaking around in the snow, or wrapped in a bow under the Christmas tree like the fabulous gift you are, consider this your official permission slip to make the night memorable. After all, Santa isn’t the only one pulling an all-nighter.Â
With these three Christmas Eve sex positions, Santa won’t be the only one coming tonight.
- The Stocking Stuffer
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Let’s get crazy right off the bat. In this position, Partner One (aka the receiver) will be doing some acrobatics. Partner One will lie on their back, and raise their legs over their head as far as possible, positioning their bottom up. Yes, they should look like a candy cane. Partner Two (the giver) will stand above and insert a penis, finger, or toy into Partner One’s vagina or anus. Yes, this position is also known as the Piledriver, but Stocking Stuffer feels more festive. If you are looking to work off all that eggnog with an ab workout, try this one.
- Milk and Cookies
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If Santa’s eating milk and cookies tonight, you should too! In this position, Partner One lies on the dining room table (or bed, if you’re boring) with their legs hanging off the edge. Partner Two kneels next to the table, facing Partner One. Partner One then rests their legs on Partner Two’s shoulders and allows them to feast on their… milk and cookies!
- Toy Workshop
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If you want to execute this position with maximum Christmas spirit, I highly recommend that each partner purchase and wrap a brand-new adult toy for the other. Get into bed, unwrap your shiny new surprise, and let the workshop open for business. This position centers on mutual masturbation, with each partner using their chosen toy on the other.
The easiest setup is facing each other in bed and reaching over to explore, but there’s plenty of room to get creative depending on what’s under the wrapping paper. And for my solo riders: absolutely treat yourself to a little Christmas gift, too. Nothing says holiday cheer like bringing good vibes to Christmas Eve.
Christmas Eve is about connection, warmth, and a little magic. So light a candle, lock the door, and remember: the best holiday traditions are the ones you make together. And if anyone’s asking: yes, you were very good this year.