So, you’re in a situationship. You’re getting the attention, the cuddle seshes, the late-night convos, and maybe even a “good morning” text here and there. You’ve found someone to debrief your work drama to, go on ice cream dates with, and let’s be real — who doesn’t love having someone to make out with during a rewatch of Love Island USA? It’s not official, but it’s definitely something.
But then, out of nowhere, someone new slides into your DMs. They’re cute, they’re flirty, and suddenly, before you know it, they’re inviting you over. I mean, you’re not technically in a relationship, so… can you flirt back? Or is that basically cheating? Being in a situationship can feel like such a grey area. IDK about you, but I find myself constantly playing a game of “Are we dating or am I delusional?” every night before I go to bed.
It can honestly be really tricky trying to navigate if you should stay loyal to your situationship or not, especially if the topic of exclusivity hasn’t been brought up. So, where’s the line? I spoke with licensed mental health counselor Veronica Lichtenstein and licensed sexologist, relationship therapist, and author at Passionerad Sofie Roos to figure out if cheating on a situationship is actually cheating. Buckle up, bestie, ‘cause this one’s messy.
So, can you cheat in a situationship?
For the sake of this article (and my sanity), let’s assume you haven’t had the exclusivity talk — because if you’re asking if it’s cheating, then you probably haven’t. So, is it cheating? The short answer? No. The long answer? “Cheating implies breaking agreed-upon rules, and a situationship doesn’t have those clear boundaries,” Lichtenstein explains. “But, if you know the other person has feelings or expects some level of loyalty, hooking up with someone else without talking about it first can feel like betrayal.”
And while it’s not technically cheating in the traditional sense, sometimes, it’s just about the principle. “There can still be an emotional bond and wordless agreement that ‘we do not see others outside of this,’ which is especially common in today’s world,” Roos says. “Being unfaithful isn’t about whether we are this or that; it’s about the emotional connection between each other, meaning that deep down, you’ll feel if it’s right or wrong to see someone else.”
Hooking up with another person while you’re in a situationship is one thing, but hiding it from them? That’s where things get messy. “It is less about labels and more about respect,” Lichtenstein says. “If you’d feel guilty saying it out loud (‘So I’ve been seeing someone else…’), that’s your cue to either set boundaries or walk away.” No one’s asking for a relationship status update, just a heads-up. And TBH? Honestly can go a long way, even in casual situations.
Emotions Don’t Care About Technicalities.
Maybe you’re asking yourself, Why do I feel committed to my situationship when we aren’t even dating? (Trust me, we’ve all been there.) Let’s be real: it’s hard having late-night cuddle seshes and falling asleep on someone’s chest and not feeling some sort of loyalty or commitment to that person. “How we feel for someone doesn’t depend on what labels we have set on the relationship,” Roos says. “People in a situationship can be more in love than a traditional couple and vice versa.”
Spoiler alert: you don’t have to be in a relationship to feel like you should be loyal to someone. “Hope is a sneaky thing — even without an [official] girlfriend title, emotions don’t care about technicalities,” Lichtenstein says. “If you’re acting like a couple — texting daily, prioritizing each other, being intimate — your brain might start assuming commitment exists.” So much time and energy are invested in a situationship that it can be hard for things to actually stay casual. Ultimately, the lines blur, and what once started as casual can quickly feel a lot more serious, whether that’s what you wanted or not.
I mean, sure, you like hanging out with them, but how do you know when it’s time to make things serious? “We often treat others how we want to be treated,” Lichtenstein says. “If you’re loyal in a situationship, it’s probably because you crave consistency — and that’s a sign you should define things before resentment kicks in.”
Yes, You Do Need To Have *That* Conversation.
Trust me, I know you both have been avoiding having that conversation — the one that changes everything. But when you’re in a situationship, it’s a conversation to have sooner rather than later, because nobody wants to be in the type of situation where things are still undefined a year later (*cough*me). But how do you even know when it’s time to bring exclusivity up?
“If either of you is feeling confused, defensive, or secretive about seeing other people, it’s time to talk,” Lichtenstein says. This confusion is usually a sign that boundaries and expectations haven’t been clearly set yet. When there’s no clear definition of what you are to each other, it’s easy for mixed signals to spiral into hurt feelings. Talking things through might feel awkward, but it’s the only way to get on the same page.
This is where open, honest communication comes in. Having a conversation about boundaries and where you both stand can bring some much-needed clarity. “Asking questions such as ‘How do you view this relationship?’ and ‘What do you expect from me, even if we’re not partners?’ will make you understand each other’s view on your situationship,” Roos shares. “The clearer and more honest you are to each other, the less risks for misunderstandings.”
When it’s time to talk about exclusivity, Lichtenstein recommends validating their feelings, avoiding harsh absolutes (because, let’s be real — saying “I’ll never want a relationship,” sounds a lot more harsh than just saying “I’m not there quite yet.”), and having regular check-ins, because what worked last month might not work now.
At the end of the day, situationships are complicated — not because they have to be, but because we let them stay undefined and confusing. Whether you’re looking for something serious or are just trying to enjoy your hot girl summer, you deserve to know where things stand. You shouldn’t let your fear of “ruining the vibe” stop you from getting clarity. So, rip off the Band-Aid, have the talk, and remember: mixed signals aren’t cute, and confusion isn’t a love language.